I was telling some sheep …
I was telling some sheep jokes the other day. But none of them laughed and one just ran away going “baa.”
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When you next see a bird …
When you next see a bird walking down the road, have a think to yourself maybe it’s scared of heights
Continue ReadingIt’s so off putting when …
It’s so off putting when the pop-up guy flicking his poker chips starts staring at you when your trying to finish….
Continue ReadingI’m fed up with everytime …
I’m fed up with everytime i throw a house party the place gets wrecked! so i’ve started getting a deposit at the door, best idea ever! And if anything was to get wrecked, well at least i’ll have a nice collection of bra’s and tops….
Continue ReadingIf there’s one thing I’m …
If there’s one thing I’m not good at it’s rugby, cricket, tennis, and narrowing stuff down.
Continue ReadingBBC News reports- Europea …
BBC News reports- European Central Bank to buy Italian and Spanish bonds. Fine by me, Just as long as It’s clear that our James is not for sale.
Continue ReadingYou should never contradi …
You should never contradict your girlfriend when she’s on her period. Just go with the flow.
Continue ReadingI was at the cinema with …
I was at the cinema with the wife when I noticed a load of 50 pound notes on the floor. I picked them up and said to the missus, “Here put these down your knickers until we get out.” After the film finished and we got out I said to her, “Give me that money […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just found out who w …
I’ve just found out who was nicking my beetroot. I caught him red handed.
Continue ReadingThe only time my father e …
The only time my father ever told me he loved me was on his Facebook status. I just hope he never finds out it was me who hacked his account.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me that she …
My wife told me that she is sick to death of me waltzing in at 3am every weekend. So when I came home this morning I did the tango instead.
Continue ReadingI’m having some sort of p …
I’m having some sort of problem using the right-click on my mouse. I just cant quite put my finger on it.
Continue ReadingFor the record…… I do …
For the record…… I don’t own a turntable.
Continue ReadingI was walking home the ot …
I was walking home the other day when a middle eastern market popped up at the side of the road. I thought, “how bazaar.”
Continue ReadingMy grandad got kicked out …
My grandad got kicked out of his bowls club He said plates are better
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