Some chavs broke into the …
Some chavs broke into the local zoo and threw two penguins into the lion enclosure. But don’t worry, they couldn’t get the wrappers off.
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In recent studies, Shih T …
In recent studies, Shih Tzu dogs are the most likely to attack a person. Maybe if we stopped calling them Shih Tzu’s they’d feel a lot calmer.
Continue ReadingMe and my business partne …
Me and my business partner come up with some brilliant ideas. Like rubber sumo costumes for example. We just bounce off each other.
Continue ReadingA soon as my daughter cam …
A soon as my daughter came home today I called her into the front room. “Jane, you know the extra special present I got you for Christmas last year,” I said, “Well, if you come and look in the garden, I think you’ll find that I’ve managed to top it”. Squealing peals of excitement she […]
Continue ReadingI cut the head off a chic …
I cut the head off a chicken earlier. Five minutes later he was still running around like a very poor football clich.
Continue Reading“What would you buy if yo …
“What would you buy if you won the lottery?” asked my girlfriend. “Oh you know, probably just the usual stuff; big house, fast car” I replied. “Would you leave me for another woman?” “Of course not, darling, I’d leave you for several.”
Continue ReadingSony. Panasonic, Technics …
Sony. Panasonic, Technics, Bang Olufsen, Teac. They’re just stereotypes.
Continue ReadingThere’s a guy pops into m …
There’s a guy pops into my place of work every week and announces he’s going to test the fire alarm. I don’t know him but his face rings a bell.
Continue ReadingI tried to use my psychic …
I tried to use my psychic powers to move a ball to the other side of a tunnel but it turned out the ball was too big. I just didn’t think it through.
Continue ReadingMaths puns are the first …
Maths puns are the first sine of madness.
Continue ReadingHard work never killed an …
Hard work never killed anyone. Except for all those people who died doing the job they loved.
Continue ReadingAfter a hearty meal I sti …
After a hearty meal I still had half a sandwich left on my plate, “Do you want a box for that?” the waitress asked.. “No”, I replied, “but I’ll wrestle you for a cup of coffee.”
Continue ReadingNorwegian footballer scor …
Norwegian footballer scores with a header from his own half, if only he’d been called Arn Mihedsson…
Continue ReadingSome guy ran into my shop …
Some guy ran into my shop the other day with a bit of beef in his hand, demanding ownership. I think he wanted to be a Stakeholder.
Continue ReadingWhat does a perverted fro …
What does a perverted frog say? Rubbit.
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