Ironically, I seem to for …
Ironically, I seem to forget Remembrance Day every year…
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I’ve just been given two …
I’ve just been given two weeks to live. The wife’s gone away for a fortnight.
Continue ReadingI’ve come up with a great …
I’ve come up with a great way to come up with money. Find yourself a blonde girl and say “I bet you 10 that I can sing a song with anybody’s name in it, you can choose the name”. At which point she’ll agree and choose a name. You’ll then sing “Happy Birthday” with whichever […]
Continue ReadingIf its “needless to say”, …
If its “needless to say”, why say it?
Continue ReadingI seen two Pheasants raci …
I seen two Pheasants racing to get the last few seeds from the bird feed when one fell over. The other pheasant stopped and waited till the first got back on it’s feet. I thought to myself “fair game”.
Continue ReadingMy grandfather bit the du …
My grandfather bit the dust while going down on grandma.
Continue ReadingMy dad died when the firs …
My dad died when the first two letters of the CURRYS sign fell on him. Ironically, I never got chance to say goodbye.
Continue ReadingI’ve lost all my motivati …
I’ve lost all my motivation in my job as a bus driver. I really need a coach.
Continue ReadingThe definition of irony.. …
The definition of irony…. The drink of choice of the homeless being called Tennants.
Continue ReadingWhy do women like men who …
Why do women like men who are smart, goal orientated and have a sense of humour? Because opposites attract.
Continue ReadingI toss and turn for hours …
I toss and turn for hours on end until I realize that making a salad isn’t going to relax me.
Continue ReadingI joined a troupe of male …
I joined a troupe of male strippers, but my mum warned me “If you work in THAT business, you’ll see things you wish you’d never seen!” She was right – the first time we performed, I saw her in the front row of the audience.
Continue ReadingI’ve been reading Dear De …
I’ve been reading Dear Deirdre’s photo casebook in The Sun newspaper for a while now and have come to the inescapable conclusion that women can’t give deep thought to anything – unless they are in their underwear.
Continue ReadingI was driving along the r …
I was driving along the road the other day when I saw a man trying to run his wife down in his car. I was going to stop to help but he looked like he had it under control
Continue ReadingWent to the library earli …
Went to the library earlier & took out a book on Kleptomania.
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