I said, “You know that girl I took home last week?” My mate said, “Oh yeah” I said, “I kept her knickers as a trophy” He said, “Ha ha nice one” I said, “The winners of the under 9’s football league didn’t think so”
Continue ReadingBefore the race, my coach told me to run like I’ve never run before. So I fell on the floor and started flailing my limbs in the air.
Continue ReadingDoctor doctor I think I’m addicted to looting. Take a seat.
Continue ReadingBefore me and three acquaintances were gearing up to rob a bank we decided we needed code names for each other. “How about we use our own names but spelt backwards,” I asked, “Too easy to crack do you think?” “Yes, Bob,” came the reply.
Continue ReadingSome people choose to go to modern gyms with stairmasters and treadmills. I choose to go to an old fashioned gym. It has the same equipment, only women and blacks aren’t allowed in.
Continue ReadingAuto-erotic asphyxiation, it’s breathtakingly good.
Continue Reading“Doctor, my wife has severe pain in her appendix!” “Nonsense!” says the doctor. “I removed her appendix three years ago. Not a single person in the world has a second appendix.” “That may well be true, but some people have second wives.”
Continue ReadingMe and another guy have been fighting for a woman’s affection for a while, and I finally mustered the courage to propose, with a huge inflatable sign saying “Will you marry me?” Unfortunately, my rival managed to pop the question first.
Continue ReadingSpider: Hi! I just finished eating all the flies, keeping away the ants, and drove away the termites…..sure! I’d love to read the paper…
Continue Reading70% off everything in Woolworths today. It’s not even worth shoplifting there now.
Continue ReadingMy friends a travelling contortionist. She lives out of her suitcase.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a Library and says to the Librarian, “I want a book about Truths please” “We don’t have that book in at the moment, but we do have this one, it’s a book about lies and it’s just as good” He bought it
Continue ReadingWe’re not racist, we’re ethno-differentialist.
Continue ReadingI went into my art lesson covered in yeast and flour. My teacher said I was the perfect roll model.
Continue ReadingMy wife is an excellent driver. That has to be my best one yet.
Continue Reading