The telegraph. Yeah, I’d …
The telegraph. Yeah, I’d tap that.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My luck is so bad that if …
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
Continue ReadingA pole was taken last mon …
A pole was taken last month, statistics show a large increase in the kidnapping of Eastern Europeans.
Continue ReadingI was in the pub when a g …
I was in the pub when a guy called me a cheapskate. So I threw his drink in his face.
Continue ReadingI let my mates tyre down …
I let my mates tyre down last night… I was supposed to have a few beers with it after work.
Continue ReadingI was eating some salad t …
I was eating some salad the other day, and noticed some mould on the edge of my lettuce. On further investigation, this proved to be just the tip of the iceberg.
Continue ReadingTold the wife I’d bought …
Told the wife I’d bought her something black, plastic and 8 inches long for her birthday. The look on her face when she unwrapped a new roll of bin bags…
Continue ReadingWhen Meerkats use compute …
When Meerkats use computers, do they get annoyed with pop-ups?
Continue ReadingWith my doctor, I don’t g …
With my doctor, I don’t get any respect. I told him I wanted a vasectomy. He replied, “With a face like that you don’t need one”.
Continue ReadingThis electrician arrived …
This electrician arrived home at 3am The wife says “wire you insulate?”
Continue ReadingI’ve finally realised why …
I’ve finally realised why Americans kill every joke on here. Because they’ve killed everything else.
Continue ReadingI have a huge series of s …
I have a huge series of stretch marks all over my body That’s the last time I try to get ripped in less than four weeks.
Continue ReadingI hate it when people mak …
I hate it when people make smelling mistakes.
Continue ReadingI went into a private det …
I went into a private detectives office today with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper,i said, “I want you to trace someone for me”
Continue ReadingMy brother lost a stone l …
My brother lost a stone last week… I’ve never seen anyone so upset about losing a pet rock.
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