I attend weddings purely …
I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes; Free Bar!
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It was my first time in t …
It was my first time in the boxing ring and it only took 32 seconds to make a huge impression. Even the judges had to admit .. “We’ve never seen a boxer with so many corner men.”
Continue ReadingMy mate just dropped out …
My mate just dropped out of school. 5th floor window, poor guy didn’t have a chance.
Continue ReadingI’ve just watched my dysl …
I’ve just watched my dyslexic son searching for ‘Horn Pub’ on google. He’s not even old enough to drink.
Continue ReadingI’m going to become an as …
I’m going to become an astronaut. The money’s great, but the prospects are out of this world.
Continue ReadingHow do fat people win spo …
How do fat people win sporting events? When its on a plate for them.
Continue ReadingI was in a restaurant las …
I was in a restaurant last night and the waiter asked me to cover his shift for 60 seconds. I thought; “Wait a minute…”
Continue ReadingI came home from work and …
I came home from work and my wife put dinner on the table, and i said “What, was the dog not hungry?”
Continue ReadingPeople at risk may soon g …
People at risk may soon get earthquake warning alerts. Scientists say the new technology is groundbreaking.
Continue Reading“Oh! He’s off!” shouted m …
“Oh! He’s off!” shouted my mate. “What do you mean?” I asked. “Well that’s his second yellow! That means he’s got to be sent off!” he said. I shook my head, “This is the first time you’ve watched the Tour de France isn’t it?”
Continue ReadingA very attractive young w …
A very attractive young woman came up to me today and asked me to get her a drink. Then I remembered. I was serving behind the bar.
Continue ReadingEating veal can be danger …
Eating veal can be dangerous. As I took a bite, I tore a calf muscle.
Continue ReadingNapoleon said, “Glory is …
Napoleon said, “Glory is fleeting but obscurity is forever” Or is that something I read about previous X Factor winners?
Continue ReadingI’ve got a new job lookin …
I’ve got a new job looking after pigeons suffering from OCD. The wage is rubbish, but my workplace is full of tidy birds.
Continue ReadingYou know what really brig …
You know what really brightens up my day? The sun.
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