I was in Tesco yesterday …
I was in Tesco yesterday and it was announced over the tannoy that a child was lost in the store followed by a full description of what the child was wearing. Bit like ‘Scramble’ but for Pedophiles!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I caught the 69 bus, toda …
I caught the 69 bus, today. Everybody on there was doing it.
Continue ReadingWow, I don’t think I’ve e …
Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever Senegal that good looking in the ceremony.
Continue ReadingMy mum hates it when I ca …
My mum hates it when I call my stepfather Bernie. He’s pretty sensitive about the scars, apparently.
Continue ReadingSome race horses are stay …
Some race horses are staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!” Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!” “Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, […]
Continue ReadingI asked my mate, “What’s …
I asked my mate, “What’s your favourite Will Ferrell movie?” He said, “Old School.” I said, “Word to ya mother! What be your baddest movie starring my main man Will Ferrell?”
Continue ReadingHere lies the body of Lit …
Here lies the body of Little Willie, Alas, he is no more. For what he thought was H2O, Was H2SO4.
Continue ReadingSpeaking about the myster …
Speaking about the mysterious blackbird incident last week, one resident said: ‘Millions, millions fly over every night. You look up at the sky and it’s just black.” As opposed to every other night when the night sky is bright green.
Continue ReadingMy job interview didn’t g …
My job interview didn’t go well yesterday. When asked, “What do I see myself doing in 10 years time?” my mind just went blank. I really fancied being a psychic as well.
Continue ReadingI phoned Emergency Servic …
I phoned Emergency Services as soon as the accident happened. Although they were a bit shirty about it, they did manage to talk me through the nappy change.
Continue ReadingWhat’s a man’s idea of a …
What’s a man’s idea of a romantic evening out? A candlelit football stadium.
Continue ReadingToday my girlfriend told …
Today my girlfriend told me that I was becoming rather nerdy. So I falcon punched her.
Continue ReadingI feel bad for the homele …
I feel bad for the homeless. They’ll never be able to enjoy a glade plug in!
Continue ReadingBeen at Plymouth harbour …
Been at Plymouth harbour all week doing nothing but staring out at all the military ships that are moored there. I just like naval gazing.
Continue ReadingSuicide. Putting the end …
Suicide. Putting the end into Bridgend.
Continue Reading