My wife suggested we used …
My wife suggested we used “park and ride” today. Needless to say, I was bitterly disappointed.
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For my birthday I rented …
For my birthday I rented one of those tacky long limousines. I told my friends I’d pick them up from Dave’s between 3pm and 3.30pm. I did warn them it was a long one.
Continue ReadingInternet dating and text …
Internet dating and text messaging has changed my life. I used to date girls with standards; now I date girls with STDs.
Continue ReadingReport of a duel between …
Report of a duel between Alexander Shott and John Nott, in June 1849: Nott was shot and Shott was not. In this case, it is better to be Shott than Nott. Some said that Nott was not shot, but Shott says that he shot Nott. It may be that the shot Shott shot, shot Nott, […]
Continue ReadingI’m a philosopher. I thi …
I’m a philosopher. I think.
Continue ReadingI like my women like i li …
I like my women like i like my onions. Battered, in a ring.
Continue ReadingI’m just getting my suit …
I’m just getting my suit ready for tonight I received a letter through the post this morning saying I had been chosen to light the first firework at the animal shelter bonfire this evening.
Continue ReadingSilly Kodak. They should …
Silly Kodak. They should have invented a camera with a phone on it.
Continue ReadingI was once told to live e …
I was once told to live everyday as if it were my last, but getting depressed, curling up in bed and waiting to die just really doesn’t appeal to me.
Continue ReadingI was going to order some …
I was going to order some pie in a restaurant but they told me it was irrational
Continue ReadingWas chillin with some bud …
Was chillin with some buds earlier. “Oy you, out the beer cooler.” shouted the shop owner.
Continue ReadingThere are three things ce …
There are three things certain in life: 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Every P.E. teacher has a little bit of paedophile in them.
Continue ReadingHad a go on my brother’s …
Had a go on my brother’s bike earlier…….. or Julie as he like’s to call her
Continue ReadingMy wife said I’m addicted …
My wife said I’m addicted to comic book guy Worst. Accusation. Ever.
Continue ReadingI’m inviting my new girlf …
I’m inviting my new girlfriend round mine for dinner tonight, but I told her my cooking skills are rubbish, and asked her what sort of food she likes. She said, “I like plain and simple food, and nothing messed around with.” Pot Noodle it is then.
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