Going to McDonald’s for a …
Going to McDonald’s for a salad? That makes about as much sense as going to a crack-house for vitamins.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I got an email from some …
I got an email from some Irish guy telling me I’ve won 1 Million Euro on the Irish Lottery and that all I need to do now is email him my bank details. I’ve emailed him my details but the jokes on him because I don’t even play the Irish Lottery. What an idiot.
Continue ReadingI turned up at my girlfri …
I turned up at my girlfriend’s this morning, she said ‘you don’t look too bad after your night on the drugs’ I think she misunderstood me before when I said I was doing my ‘exStacey’
Continue ReadingI own a small zoo and a p …
I own a small zoo and a pirate ship. Although not at the same time…. I don’t have that much Lego.
Continue ReadingI went to my son’s open d …
I went to my son’s open day at his school this morning. I couldn’t believe that his English teacher was a Paki. I had visions of walking to the playing fields and seeing Stephen Hawking teaching PE.
Continue ReadingI went to a charity darts …
I went to a charity darts match last night, Heather Mills v Jake The Peg. Heather lost by three legs to one.
Continue ReadingTwo guys smoking marijuan …
Two guys smoking marijuana – a joint effort
Continue ReadingThere once was a man call …
There once was a man called Hawking, Who got very bored of walking, He got on a scooter, Attached a computer, And now it does all of the talking.
Continue ReadingWoman on the bus said to …
Woman on the bus said to me, “Your fly is down.” I said, “I know, I’m taking him to see his psychologist.”
Continue ReadingI’m fed up with shops tha …
I’m fed up with shops that give false promises:- You can’t buy a curry at Currys You can’t buy boots at Boots And Superdrug has always been a big disappointment
Continue ReadingI’m confused. All the jo …
I’m confused. All the jokes I post on here that get good scores never get liked on Facebook. It’s almost like the people I know don’t like deformed baby jokes.
Continue ReadingA friend of mine pulled o …
A friend of mine pulled out the old joke of shoving two fingers under my nose and saying “Smell your mum” So I punched him in the face and said “Smell your Nan.”
Continue ReadingMy psychiatrist said she …
My psychiatrist said she can’t see me any more because I should be committed. I’ve moved into her shed. What more does she want.
Continue ReadingI walked past a building …
I walked past a building site this morning when I noticed that the workers were all knelt down and had their heads bowed. I went and asked the foreman what was going on and he said ‘The business isn’t doing very well, the boss has been fiddling the books so we’re all praying that the […]
Continue ReadingYou can’t have manslaught …
You can’t have manslaughter without laughter.
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