I said to my daughter, “Y …
I said to my daughter, “You’re not going out with that much make-up on”. She said, “Dad, I’m a circus clown. I have to look like this”.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Looking a barman straight …
Looking a barman straight in the eye whilst ordering a shandy …. Impossible. Can’t be done.
Continue ReadingI hate people when they a …
I hate people when they are over-dramatic It just makes me want to set myself on fire
Continue ReadingI’d chain my wife to the …
I’d chain my wife to the bed if it stopped her getting involved in bondage.
Continue Reading“Do you still have that w …
“Do you still have that wine I had last week?” I asked the waiter. “Yes, sir, we do.” “Bring me a pint of lager then.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between FML and sickipedia? At least there’s a chance the things said on sickipedia are true.
Continue ReadingI love those new Dyson ha …
I love those new Dyson hand dryers. From now on I’m definitely gonna start washing my hands when I’ve been to the toilet.
Continue ReadingFor the past few weeks I’ …
For the past few weeks I’ve been pretending I’m a famous tennis player from the seventies and early eighties. My girlfriend must think I was Bjorn yesterday.
Continue ReadingYesterday I saw Back to t …
Yesterday I saw Back to the Future, and I got so influenced by the movie that I took my car on the road and drove it at maximum speed, trying to go back in time. And, in a way, it worked. Thanks to the police, I was able to return to a time before I […]
Continue Reading“Is my Dad here yet?” I a …
“Is my Dad here yet?” I asked entering the chippy. “He reckons you’ve great fish and chips and he’s been coming here for months.” “I’m sorry, what’s his name?” she replied. “Oh it’s Pete Smith but you won’t know him.” I said. “But I thought you said he’s been coming here for months?” “I did! […]
Continue ReadingMy teacher asked me if I …
My teacher asked me if I knew what the largest artery in the human body was. I said no, but Aorta?
Continue Readingwhy did the chicken cross …
why did the chicken cross the play ground? to get to the other slide..
Continue ReadingMy mate was going to book …
My mate was going to book the transfer deadline day off work so he could watch Sky Sports News. Then he realised he supports Everton.
Continue ReadingI have noticed that custo …
I have noticed that customer service in America is a lot better than in Europe. I think this is because American businesses uphold the fundamental belief that the customer is… probably carrying a gun.
Continue ReadingI have noticed website ba …
I have noticed website backgrounds are a lot like racism. Whites look proffesional, are most common, clever and are always work the best. Blacks look suspicious, are most commonly doing something illegal and never work.
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