Dilemma: Do I wash dishes …
Dilemma: Do I wash dishes or do I attempt to eat Cornflakes from a cup with a knife?
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I can’t believe My Luck S …
I can’t believe My Luck She’s the Chinese girl in work and she’s an awful liar.
Continue ReadingMy aids have became so ba …
My aids have became so bad over these last couple of weeks even the simplest of tasks are impossible too carry out. Maybe I should fire them.
Continue ReadingApparently I snore so lou …
Apparently I snore so loud that it actually scares people. Well that’s what the management at Easyjet said before they fired me.
Continue Reading“inhalation causes danger …
“inhalation causes dangerous intoxication” Ronseal, does exactly what it says on the tin.
Continue ReadingThinking of starting up a …
Thinking of starting up a new screamo band. Going to make it 100% screaming and shouting with no instruments. I think I’ll call us; Marriage
Continue ReadingI was at baggage reclaim …
I was at baggage reclaim at the airport and some Green lunatic was standing on the luggage carousel ranting and raving about carbon footprints and air travel. I said, “Mate, just get off my case will you?”
Continue ReadingHow do you find a Foxhole …
How do you find a Foxhole ?? Lift its Tail Up…
Continue ReadingI was walking along a riv …
I was walking along a riverside the other day when a fisherman caught my eye.
Continue ReadingDebra Hunt drove 20 miles …
Debra Hunt drove 20 miles the wrong way up the M5 and by a miracle didn’t kill anyone. Thank God she didn’t try and park.
Continue ReadingJust found a note on my d …
Just found a note on my desk saying ”wooooooooOOOooooOOOoooooo” Must be from my ghost writer.
Continue ReadingIf my mom was a methodist …
If my mom was a methodist, and my dad was a spiritualist, does that make me a methylated spirit?
Continue ReadingWhen I decided to settle …
When I decided to settle down and get married, my future father-in-law urged me to get a trade. So, I dumped my fiance and went out with her sister.
Continue ReadingWhat’s Relaxed, Porcelain …
What’s Relaxed, Porcelain, and cancerous? A mellow gnomea
Continue ReadingSo socks are up in sales …
So socks are up in sales by 11000% since 1998. That’s about the same time the internet was really taking off. Coincidence? I think not.
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