I sent my pet turkey to B …
I sent my pet turkey to Bernard Matthews to learn some manners. Hes now a reformed character.
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My wife accused me of lov …
My wife accused me of loving my computer more than I love her. It’s hardly surprising; every so often my computer goes down on me.
Continue ReadingI went to the doctor yest …
I went to the doctor yesterday and he began examining me. ‘ You will live until you are sixty, ‘ he said. ‘ But I am sixty, ‘ I replied. ‘ See,what did I tell you !!. ‘
Continue ReadingOne of my mates is a real …
One of my mates is a real stand up sort of guy. He’s got piles.
Continue ReadingThey say opposites attrac …
They say opposites attract. If that is true, I should be with a slim super-model, who is great in bed.
Continue ReadingHiccups sufferers: Become …
Hiccups sufferers: Become a bomb-diffuser. That way, the resultant terror of an ill-timed hiccup will instantly cure those troublesome hiccups.
Continue ReadingIf we all get our news fr …
If we all get our news from Sickipedia, how does it get here?
Continue ReadingLampposts, now that’s rig …
Lampposts, now that’s right up my street.
Continue ReadingI went to the doctors yes …
I went to the doctors yesterday, I’m quite lucky to have an old fashioned doctor. He’s white.
Continue ReadingAte a pig the other day. …
Ate a pig the other day. Having to lay low for a little while whilst the heat blows over though, turns out the police take cannibalism very seriously.
Continue ReadingApparently, Penguins mate …
Apparently, Penguins mate for life. Course they do… It’s not like they’re going to find a more attractive Penguin.
Continue ReadingWhy there could never be …
Why there could never be great black sharks? They would drown instantly.
Continue ReadingI wanted to catch a squir …
I wanted to catch a squirrel but didn’t know how, So I decided to just climb a tree and act like a nut.
Continue ReadingIve just seen an advert f …
Ive just seen an advert for a notebook, it says its got crisp white paper, so you can write on both sides of the paper Now correct me if Im wrong, but Im pretty sure this isnt a break though in paper technology. Whats next? Advertising see-though windows?
Continue ReadingSky news – ‘UK’s plushest …
Sky news – ‘UK’s plushest hospital has caviar on menu’ It can’t be that plush if they can’t even keep the menu’s clean.
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