After many years, I’m lea …
After many years, I’m leaving my job of being a gardener. I’m turning over a new leaf.
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A light year. Just like a …
A light year. Just like a regular year, but with fewer calories
Continue ReadingMosh pit. Well concealed …
Mosh pit. Well concealed taser. Hours of endless entertainment.
Continue ReadingShamefully, I have to adm …
Shamefully, I have to admit, it only takes me one drink to get drunk. The trouble is, I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
Continue ReadingWhy are doctors sometimes …
Why are doctors sometimes referred to as HeBas? Because if they can’t Helium, they have to Barium
Continue ReadingFacebook has 500 million …
Facebook has 500 million users? I’m three of them.
Continue ReadingThe new Agatha Christie n …
The new Agatha Christie novel has a killer start to it.
Continue ReadingJohn Cena goes to see his …
John Cena goes to see his doctor about his invisibility problem. After buzzing three times, the doctor eventually comes into the waiting room and addresses the receptionist curtly, “Where’s Mr Cena- what appointment did we give him?” John speaks up, “You can’t see me, my time is now…”
Continue ReadingI think most people would …
I think most people would actually rather look at a few adverts than having to stomach Jimmy Wales’ smirking face everytime they want to find something out.
Continue ReadingI just seen a job adverti …
I just seen a job advertised on the directgov website -PIPE FITTERS MATE I’m gonna go for it, one of my mates is a pipe fitter.
Continue Reading“Gaddafi ducks rebel atta …
“Gaddafi ducks rebel attacks” I knew Bugs Bunny would push him too far one day.
Continue ReadingI think we should get som …
I think we should get some polar bears to help with the evictions at Dale Farm, I heard that they’re pretty good at clearing out campsites.
Continue ReadingI tried some reverse psyc …
I tried some reverse psychology today. I had my mum tell me about Freud.
Continue ReadingThe Recession is the leas …
The Recession is the least of my worries. I’m starting to get a bald patch at the back as well.
Continue ReadingRoughly, women go through …
Roughly, women go through the change at more or less the same time in life. As soon as you marry them.
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