I’m in prison for tiring …
I’m in prison for tiring my wife out. Or running her over, as they call it.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I saw an old lady knock o …
I saw an old lady knock over a black girl today. The black girl was laying unconcious in the road so I ran over and gave her mouth to mouth. Well, it was actually a snog and a high 5, me & the old lady had a right laugh.
Continue ReadingJust went Christmas shopp …
Just went Christmas shopping for my girlfriend and got her something a foot long, hard, guaranteed to make her wet. She’s gonna love that water pistol.
Continue ReadingIt’s ironic how “common” …
It’s ironic how “common” sense is so difficult to find
Continue ReadingIt’s a shame we never hea …
It’s a shame we never heard about the Addams Family’s Indian grandfather, Pop.
Continue ReadingNewcastle v Reading today …
Newcastle v Reading today. Newcastle don’t stand a chance; Geordies have never seen a book never mind read one.
Continue ReadingI bought a picture of the …
I bought a picture of the Virgin Mary off eBay today and it has an uncanny resemblance to a piece of Pepperoni Pizza.
Continue ReadingIf I’d have picked 6 diff …
If I’d have picked 6 different numbers I would have won the lottery last night. Couldn’t believe it.
Continue ReadingBBC News: ‘2,400 jobs are …
BBC News: ‘2,400 jobs are to be axed as a result of Jobcentre Plus office closures.’ ”Staff will be offered jobs elsewhere”, said the Minister for Irony.
Continue ReadingHas anyone seen the inter …
Has anyone seen the interactive ‘stop knife crime’ advert at the bottom left corner of the Windows Live Messenger contacts page, where you can pick up the knife by scrolling over the picture? The hand is black. surprise surprise…
Continue ReadingPeople who say “It’s bett …
People who say “It’s better to have loved and lost” clearly don’t understand the rules of tennis.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend said to me …
My girlfriend said to me “I really love BJs, but I hate deep throat.” I said “You must be choking.”
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend’s like a pa …
My girlfriend’s like a parking ticket. She’s got “fine” written all over her. She fell asleep and I had a marker pen.
Continue ReadingI tell you who I don’t ge …
I tell you who I don’t get. Big breasted, blonde nymphomaniacs with bags of cocaine knocking on my door.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t get my new Fre …
I couldn’t get my new Freeview receiver working today so I phoned the shop. “Have you connected the box to your TV?” he asked. “No,” I replied, “I squashed it and put it for recycling.”
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