I asked my friend to rob …
I asked my friend to rob my house while I was at work for an insurance claim. I was mortified to arrive back only to find my wife and kids sitting where our home used to be.
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I’ve just posted a 1500 c …
I’ve just posted a 1500 cheque to Nigeria to release the 15 million lottery I won there….. See ya later SUCKERS!
Continue ReadingWhat does an experienced …
What does an experienced rapist & a good punchline have in common? You never see them coming.
Continue ReadingThere’s only one candidat …
There’s only one candidate for the Labour Party leadership who has the right idea about illegal immigrants: Burnham.
Continue ReadingMy motto in life is ‘thir …
My motto in life is ‘third time lucky’. Which is probably why I didn’t make it as a heart surgeon.
Continue ReadingI was doing doughnuts in …
I was doing doughnuts in a car park when the place was suddenly crawling with police. Managed to sell them sixteen variety boxes.
Continue ReadingApparently, all jokes hav …
Apparently, all jokes have to be about vegetables. Not nececelery.
Continue ReadingAnimal instincts are amaz …
Animal instincts are amazing. The mice in our house always know when my wife’s mother is about to visit – they throw themselves on the traps.
Continue ReadingA driver pulled up beside …
A driver pulled up beside a rundown farmhouse. He got out and knocked at the door. A very old woman answered the door, and he asked her for directions to Des Moines.”Dont know,” the woman said. He got back in his car and pulled away. Then he heard voices. He looked in his rearview mirror […]
Continue ReadingWhen Little Johnny got ho …
When Little Johnny got home from playing football, his mum asked “how was the match?” He replied “The winning goal was thanks to me.” “Terrific!” she said. “Not really,” he sighed. “I let it in.”
Continue ReadingI was going to join to a …
I was going to join to a debate club but I talked myself out of it.
Continue ReadingIn 1972, Richard Nixon be …
In 1972, Richard Nixon became the first ever US president to visit China. He was invited to Peking to mend a governmental rift, as Mao Tse Tung was fed up of using the stairs
Continue ReadingSure, the Bagpipes may no …
Sure, the Bagpipes may not be the nicest instrument in the world, but you’ve really got to respect a man who can blow, squeeze and finger all at the same time.
Continue ReadingThe other day 2 year old …
The other day 2 year old brother started screaming at the sight of a spider. All i wanted was some peace but I couldn’t kill the poor thing so I wraped it in toilet paper and through it out of the window. However my parents said that was a irresponsible thing to do to a […]
Continue ReadingBread machines. There’s n …
Bread machines. There’s no knead for them.
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