What’s grey and can’t cli …
What’s grey and can’t climb trees? A car park.
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My wife just gave me a he …
My wife just gave me a headjob. It was good, but I told her that it wasn’t as good as her sister’s. Man, did she give me a mouthful.
Continue ReadingYou know you’ve got a pro …
You know you’ve got a problem when your second kid starts walking before your first.
Continue ReadingI was just viewing some p …
I was just viewing some pictures of women on a dating website. There’s one really fit bird that stood out: Donna81 I can’t believe she’s 81, she doesn’t look a day over 29.
Continue ReadingWhat are Mexican radiator …
What are Mexican radiators called? Fajitas.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a bald k …
What do you call a bald king with no sons? Heir less
Continue ReadingAfter hearing that some o …
After hearing that some of my mates had done it I decided to donate some of my sperm. Children in Need were not amused.
Continue ReadingAs I jumped up on my chos …
As I jumped up on my chosen mount, one of the spectators laughed and shouted, “You won’t get far on that lad!” I decided he was right. So I got down and chose a different lad.
Continue ReadingDo I really need to tell …
Do I really need to tell you the first rule of rhetorical question club?
Continue ReadingI’m really looking forwar …
I’m really looking forward to my corrective neck surgery
Continue ReadingI’m running a quiz tonigh …
I’m running a quiz tonight in the pub and every question will be about great military strategists. It’s General Knowledge.
Continue ReadingMy grandad has the heart …
My grandad has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.
Continue ReadingThis is my last Looney Tu …
This is my last Looney Tunes themed joke. That’s all folks!
Continue ReadingOur local Age Concern sho …
Our local Age Concern shop had it’s shutters down today. I wonder if they were busy making Soylent Green…
Continue ReadingThere was panic at work t …
There was panic at work today when someone was apparently spotted carrying a counterfeit pepperoni. Thankfully, it turned out to be a false salami.
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