Working on a new trick, a magician turned his wife into a couch and his kids into chairs, but he couldn’t turn them back. What have I done? he wondered. How can I bring back my family? Out of ideas, he loaded everybody into his van and rushed to the hospital. He explained the situation, […]
Continue ReadingSickipedia admins can obviously take a joke. Off the site if they don’t like it.
Continue ReadingMy wife and I are house hunting at the moment, our estate agent called yesterday and told us he had a great semi he wanted to show us. Whilst I have to admit we were pleasantly surprised, I really don’t think its worth a phone call unless its fully erect.
Continue ReadingI used to be addicted to soap but I’m clean now.
Continue ReadingI love eating my Grandma’s dinner when I go to see her on Sundays. The best bit is when she scratches her head and says, “Where has the food gone from my plate?”
Continue ReadingThe wife loves her iPhone, so I’ve decided to get her even more attached to it with the latest optional extra – Velcro backing – which means she can drop that silly Bluetooth earpiece. It’s absolutely perfect for her sideburns.
Continue ReadingI knew my finances were bad, but I didn’t realise how bad they were until I put my card in the cash machine today. The machine swallowed my card and a message popped up saying, ‘GAME OVER’
Continue ReadingMy wife said that I am becoming obsessed with Sickipedia. I didn’t like that, so I voted it down.
Continue ReadingI dont like to brag, but I know my way around a woman. Money.
Continue ReadingAn Office World truck ploughed into my car me last week, killing my son in the back seat, giving me severe whiplash and leaving my motor totally written off. Now, to add insult to injury it looks like I’m going to be held responsible for the accident despite the fact he drove into the back […]
Continue ReadingIrony: 10 inches of snow during a climate change summit.
Continue ReadingThe wife knew I had today off and texted, ‘Darling, can you do us a favour and bring some washing in for me?’ Boy is she going to be pleased.. I’ve been round all the neighbours and she must have 30 bags full to do.
Continue ReadingOwen Hargreaves signing a ‘pay as you play’ contract makes you think he’d be better off just signing on.
Continue ReadingThe girlfriend asked me if I liked her little “surprise”. While I was asleep she covered me in a combination of hardwood, parquet, carpet and ceramic tiles. “Liked” doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt. She completely floored me.
Continue ReadingMy wife just turned to me and said, “Have you let one go?” I said, “Of course not. I killed them all”.
Continue Reading