I’ve just come out of a c …
I’ve just come out of a coma after 14 years, and Windows 95 was my idea.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Doctors can bury their mi …
Doctors can bury their mistakes. Lawyers can imprison theirs. Architects plant ivy around theirs. Teachers send theirs into politics.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is an idiot …
My girlfriend is an idiot. She says I play my Xbox too much because I named my headset; ‘Mike’.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because I …
My wife left me because I “never stand up for myself…” …fair enough.
Continue ReadingI got a call from the hos …
I got a call from the hospital today, they said my girlfriend had an accident… I replied “Not really shocked, mate. I’ve been expecting it for 9 months.”
Continue ReadingLet buses pull out. And h …
Let buses pull out. And help reduce the mini-bus population.
Continue ReadingI went out with a stage h …
I went out with a stage hand from the local theatre once. I called it off because every time we went out she made a scene.
Continue ReadingLifes great at the minute …
Lifes great at the minute, I’ve got a big house, new sports car, a lovely wife and 3 great kids… They’re not mine of course, but hey, finders keepers…
Continue ReadingI went into a library and …
I went into a library and asked for a book on 21st Century Suicide Bombings. The librarian gave me the book but said, “There’s also a film adaptation that you Moscow and see.”
Continue ReadingDefinition of pressure: A …
Definition of pressure: A wife, a mistress and a mortgage. All one month late
Continue ReadingThere’s no “I” in team bu …
There’s no “I” in team but there are 5 in individual brilliance.
Continue ReadingPhotogenic people should …
Photogenic people should be shot.
Continue ReadingApparently, ‘posted a jok …
Apparently, ‘posted a joke on Sickipedia that scored over 1000’ isn’t appropriate to put under ‘achievements’ on a CV.
Continue ReadingI’ve just dumped my load …
I’ve just dumped my load outside the primary school gates. I love driving my gritting lorry.
Continue ReadingFigures released today sa …
Figures released today say the amount of 11-15 years year olds who had tried alcohol fell from 51% to 46%….. Figures also out today say that the amount of 11-15 year olds telling lies rose from 46% to 51%
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