BBC News: Jon Obi Mikel’s …
BBC News: Jon Obi Mikel’s dad, Michael, has been kidnapped. Surely someone’s taking the Mick?!
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I asked my Irish mate wha …
I asked my Irish mate what he thought about the population of the Irish capital now being twice the size. ‘Ahhh yes, typical doublin’ he replied.
Continue ReadingI’m attracted to magnets. …
I’m attracted to magnets.
Continue ReadingMy job is to bring ants i …
My job is to bring ants into the country. It’s an important job.
Continue ReadingNote to self… Always ch …
Note to self… Always check the lottery results before trying to kill yourself!
Continue ReadingConnor the cannon howe …
Connor the cannon howe
Continue ReadingMy son turned round earli …
My son turned round earlier and said I’m the most uncool dad on the planet. I’ve spent the last two hours trying to think of a groovy response.
Continue ReadingA man walks into a doctor …
A man walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor sits him down. “OK what’s your problem sir?” “I’m half deaf” he replied “That’s ridiculous! You can’t be half deaf!There is no such thing!” “Yes there is!” “OK OK! Go down the hall and I’ll shout a number and you shout it back.” “OK!” He […]
Continue ReadingI was reading a textbook …
I was reading a textbook today. It gave me tips on how to write SMS messages.
Continue ReadingWho is the biggest rapper …
Who is the biggest rapper in the world? The Notorious B.F.G.
Continue ReadingI asked my anaesthetist f …
I asked my anaesthetist friend if I could borrow his bottle of Ether. He said, “Sure, knock yourself out”.
Continue ReadingI met this weird chick wh …
I met this weird chick who was really into bondage but strangely insisted on no ties.
Continue ReadingI like checking out littl …
I like checking out little girls. Yes, my new job – stamping hands at the exit to Disney Land, is going well.
Continue ReadingThe missus’ birthday is c …
The missus’ birthday is coming up, and she asked me what I was getting her. “Let’s just say you’ll be buying a t-shirt with “I
Continue ReadingWhen I found out my wife …
When I found out my wife was cheating on me with a clown, I drowned him in a vat of grease paint remover. That wiped the smile off his face.
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