I got a message on my mob …
I got a message on my mobile about the future. It was predictive texting.
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Found out my girlfriend h …
Found out my girlfriend has crabs last night. Not the best pets but at least they don’t need walking.
Continue ReadingAfter the success of my f …
After the success of my first restaurant, Karma, I’ve decided to expand my food business and open Karma 2. We serve just desserts.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Plastic heart g …
BBC News: Plastic heart gives dad Matthew Green new lease of life. Just the chance to once again see his children on a sunny day will melt his heart.
Continue ReadingI just got a job promotio …
I just got a job promotion to restaurant manager. I’ve been waiting for ages to get that job.
Continue ReadingI’d have a fit if I found …
I’d have a fit if I found out I was epileptic.
Continue ReadingWhat other use will there …
What other use will there ever be for ‘delete internet history’?
Continue ReadingI’ve never really cared f …
I’ve never really cared for thumbnails, I prefer to look at the bigger picture.
Continue ReadingIt’s all fun and games un …
It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then its fun and games that someone can’t see.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend sent me …
My new girlfriend sent me a text while I was at work yesterday which read ‘I love being rammed roughly from behind – especially when it’s a surprise.’ I now have a 400 bill for damages to her car and a lot of making up to do
Continue Readingconfused Saed off eastend …
confused Saed off eastenders favourite Michael Jackson song… im looking for a man and Amira
Continue ReadingYesterday, I was asked if …
Yesterday, I was asked if I knew what the phrase ‘Delusions of Grandeur’ meant. I replied, “Of course I do, I created that phrase.”
Continue ReadingI’ve just received an ema …
I’ve just received an email to say that I’ve won a 1000 shopping spree in waitrose. I’m so excited, I don’t know whether to buy 3 loafs of bread or 6 pints of milk.
Continue ReadingI was trying to think of …
I was trying to think of a name for a band and all I could come up with was ‘The Telephones’. I thought it had a ring to it.
Continue ReadingMy fourteen year old sons …
My fourteen year old sons school behavior has improved dramatically since I said “Next time you get in trouble I’ll meet you at the school gate… and I’ll be wearing a dress.”
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