A woman came in to my cli …
A woman came in to my clinic with a nasty gash today. I expected that, being a gynocologist.
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I came quite close to a s …
I came quite close to a serious car accident the other day… The paramedics looked at me with disgust but I just powered through
Continue ReadingAn eye for an eye leaves …
An eye for an eye leaves us like Gordon Brown
Continue ReadingSun News: Hunt for street …
Sun News: Hunt for street’s cat killer. Now who trained it to do that? I’m looking at you, Susan Boyle.
Continue ReadingMy cat keeps beating me a …
My cat keeps beating me at Pac Man. To be fair, he did start with 9 lives.
Continue ReadingDoes anyone think it’s ir …
Does anyone think it’s ironic that the new Lynx Fever advert takes place in Mexico?
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t say my mother …
I wouldn’t say my mother was a nosey old cow, but she’s just applied to go on Mastermind with the specialist subject: The comings and goings at our neighbours house – 1830 to half past midnight.
Continue ReadingAfter we reached a decisi …
After we reached a decision on the abortion, every night I’ve been given chills up and down my spine by the haunting screams of a crying baby. I lay there wishing we’d had it. But we made the choice and we’ll just have to cope with an unwanted child.
Continue ReadingI recently quit my job as …
I recently quit my job as a butler at a stately home. I refuse to be ordered around in that manor.
Continue Reading“What doesn’t kill me mak …
“What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” -Evil Knievel “What doesn’t kill me makes me smaller” -Super Mario
Continue ReadingI don’t think I’ll be any …
I don’t think I’ll be any good on the firing squad, but I’ll give it my best shot.
Continue ReadingI read this morning about …
I read this morning about how police were insulted in ‘a four letter rant’. Must have cost them a fortune in stamps.
Continue ReadingTranslation between Hayne …
Translation between Haynes service manual and real world #2 Haynes: Idler pulley should come off by hand or may be pryed gently with two screwdrivers. Real world: Idler pulley should come off when pryed savagely with a 3 foot crowbar, or alternately when beaten severely out of shape with a 20oz claw hammer.
Continue ReadingSuicidal people are a dyi …
Suicidal people are a dying race!
Continue ReadingI’ve just been to B & Q a …
I’ve just been to B & Q and the compost was on sale. It was dirt cheap!
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