Author: qjoq.com

I asked a straight girl if she wanted to come to my lesbian orgy tonight. “I’m not sure”, she said, “But I’ll swing bi if I can!”

My girlfriend came home from a long day at work last night so I said, “I’ll make you chilli in a bit.” “Awww, thank you!” she said. “Yeah, I’m turning the heating off, save some money.”

I told Rihanna that I thought my maths homework was too difficult, but she just told me to shut up and derive.

My wife’s just put the kettle on. She has some very strange costumes.

When I escaped from prison and police eventually caught up with me,one of the officers said,”Mate I have to say that was the best escape attempt ever.” I was taken back.

One of my spots exploded whilst I was in the chemist earlier. Puss in Boots.

I’ve just stolen loads of swimming inflatables. I’d better lilo.

I started work in a woollen mill but soon realised that it was a very close knit community.

I wrote to Match of the Day and warned them that I was going to try and murder Mark Lawrenson in August. I won goal of the month.