Research shows that men s …
Research shows that men speak 25,000 words a day and a women speaks 30,000 a day. The problem is, after the husband comes home from work having consumed his 25,000 words the wife starts her 30,000.
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For my Wifes Xmas I booke …
For my Wifes Xmas I booked us a weeks holiday in Sharm el Sheikh. As a wee extra I’ve just signed her up for a 1 week intensive Scuba Diving course.
Continue ReadingI didn’t like my haircut …
I didn’t like my haircut at first, but it grew on me.
Continue ReadingI walked into a pub and s …
I walked into a pub and said to the barman, “Where’s the ladies mate?” He said, “Just around the corner, on your left.” 30 seconds later I went back and said, “They must’ve gone mate, there’s only toilets around there.”
Continue ReadingBad actors have their wor …
Bad actors have their work cut out.
Continue ReadingThere’s a time and a plac …
There’s a time and a place to be punctual.
Continue ReadingMy mate works in a jam fa …
My mate works in a jam factory and recently fell into a vat of it. He was berried up to his neck
Continue ReadingIntroducing the new ‘Heal …
Introducing the new ‘Health Lottery’ Diet: The quickest way to Loose a Pound a week!
Continue ReadingI stayed in a really posh …
I stayed in a really posh hotel. On the back of the door the sign read “In case of fire Gentlemen are required to wear smoking jackets.”
Continue ReadingEvery dog has its day…. …
Every dog has its day…. Grab your coat, you’ve pulled.
Continue ReadingA good joke is created fr …
A good joke is created from the genius of a male and the inspiration from a female.
Continue ReadingMe and Lady Gaga have bee …
Me and Lady Gaga have been up gambling all night. I think we’re going through a Poker Phase.
Continue ReadingI went round Mark Knopfle …
I went round Mark Knopfler’s house the other day, and I was stood admiring a painting on his wall. He told me if I liked it that much then I could keep it! Amazing that Monet for Nothing
Continue ReadingAttacked by a shark.. tha …
Attacked by a shark.. that was completely out of the blue.
Continue ReadingI said to the missus that …
I said to the missus that the Libya situation was looking messy. She went and got a shower.
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