I hired a private detecti …
I hired a private detective to investigate the sudden death of my Grandad, while in intensive care. He followed a few leads. Faulty plug on the life support machine, apparently.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Hit-and-run drivers. Use …
Hit-and-run drivers. Use them for playing speed-golf.
Continue ReadingThe Universe, its out of …
The Universe, its out of this world
Continue ReadingI don’t understand the fu …
I don’t understand the fuss about this “Apple Tablet”. Some guy in a dodgy nightclub offered me expensive Apple Tablets years ago; he also had Mitsubishi ones, smiley faces…
Continue ReadingMy days of casually inser …
My days of casually inserting the names of places into my sentences are Dover.
Continue ReadingI painted a homeless guy …
I painted a homeless guy who was asleep on a park bench tonight. If he’s still there tomorrow, I’ll give him another coat.
Continue ReadingDawn French is so upset o …
Dawn French is so upset over her break up, that she has gone on hunger strike. Doctors have given her 24 years to live.
Continue ReadingI’ve started up a mobile …
I’ve started up a mobile disco to make a some extra cash, but I’m being sued for ruining a wedding I did last night. I only had two ringtones on my phone.
Continue ReadingAfter my wife disappeared …
After my wife disappeared,police said I should call them if I hear anything. A minute later I called them back because I could hear the neighbour’s dog barking.
Continue ReadingLaughter is the best medi …
Laughter is the best medicine. Unless you laugh for no reason, in which case you need medicine.
Continue ReadingBegging letter sent to me …
Begging letter sent to me yesterday: HI and great news on your mega lottery win. My name is Sally and my 3 year old daughter Sam has 2 months to live after contracting Liver cancer. Please please help her last days be memorable. My reply: Hi Sally, So sorry to hear your news about Sam. […]
Continue ReadingNo point crying over spil …
No point crying over spilt milk, could be worse …Could be beer.
Continue ReadingI was discussing ‘head tr …
I was discussing ‘head transplants’ with a young man today and said, “Surely the term ‘head transplant’ doesn’t even exist? The brain is the seat of the personality and cognitive abilities. The body, however, cannot function without the brain, so technically we should refer to it as a, ‘body transplant’.” “That’s an interesting concept,” he […]
Continue Reading“I’m stuck with one word …
“I’m stuck with one word on this crossword, the clue is a 10 letter word, similar to being silly” “Oh, well that’s ridiculous” “I know, I’ve been stuck on it for hours”
Continue ReadingTwo young boys walked int …
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?” “Eight,” the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know how these are used?” The boy replied, “Not exactly, but […]
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