qjoq.com – Page 1585

I’d hate to be in my fath …

I’d hate to be in my father’s shoes right now. He’s already wearing them, so it’d be uncomfortable.

A survey has found that people who are on a diet, attend the gym or own a Wii Fit have significantly healthier hands than regular people. This has been largely attributed to the amount of self-righteous, pretentious facebook updates they post.

I was fired from my Job w …

April 4qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I was fired from my Job with ‘The News of The World’ for racist behaviour when reporting on the expected re-collaboration of Cheryl Cole and Will.I.Am To be fair, the headline “Spades dig Cole” should have been right up their street…

My friend has a pet Germa …

April 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

My friend has a pet German Shepherd. Every time I visit him, it puts its face straight into my groin. I have a Yorkshire Terrier and all this kneeling down is killing my back.

I made my girlfriend brea …

April 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I made my girlfriend breakfast earlier I’m a cannibal

As my mother in law sat b …

April 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

As my mother in law sat beside my wife’s hospital bed, she sobbed at the high pitched, continuous tone which filled the room. You should have seen her face when Michael Winslow appeared from the cupboard!

Me and my mate Lee were h …

April 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

Me and my mate Lee were having an argument whether Humpty Dumpty was real or not. He said, “Of course he isn’t, he’s an egg.” I replied, “Eggs act Lee.”

I bought some seeds at th …

April 3qjoq.comLeave a Comment

I bought some seeds at the garden centre earlier today, and rushed back to plant them. The next morning, I found several Israeli children running around my yard. It was to be expected, I suppose. The seeds I bought were Jew-nippers.