My girlfriend prepared a …
My girlfriend prepared a fried breakfast for me this morning. I could tell she’d never made cornflakes before.
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I don’t mean to be big he …
I don’t mean to be big headed but I was great in bed last night. I slept for 18 hours.
Continue ReadingI went to visit my granda …
I went to visit my grandad earlier but when I arrived he was asleep on his chair. I turned off the light and drew his curtains. Hopefully the portrait will enlighten him to the ridiculousness of his out of date hair style.
Continue ReadingFormica is much too good …
Formica is much too good for Blackburn. He has that top of the table quality…
Continue ReadingLosing one parent is unlu …
Losing one parent is unlucky. Losing the other is just careless.
Continue ReadingA guy phones up his workp …
A guy phones up his workplace on a Monday morning… “Sorry Boss, I can’t come in today, I’m sick” “Dave this is the third Monday in a row you’re had off. Just how sick are you?” “Well, I’m in bed with my little sister at the moment if that’s any help.”
Continue ReadingI love my Pulmonary Arter …
I love my Pulmonary Artery, from the bottom of my heart.
Continue ReadingI’ve had seven years of b …
I’ve had seven years of bad ideas up to now. Must have been that light bulb I broke.
Continue ReadingI’ve got three Whippets. …
I’ve got three Whippets. Whip it in , Whip it out, wipe it.
Continue ReadingI don’t know about anyone …
I don’t know about anyone else but I’m really enjoying Fifa 11, I’d recommend Royal Mail to anyone! Can’t wait for Fifa 12 now!
Continue ReadingI saw this lovely three p …
I saw this lovely three piece suite in DFS and it seemed quite a bargain. Does anyone know when they have their sales?
Continue ReadingNever take your nasal dec …
Never take your nasal decongestant to the capital of Iceland. It’ll wreck your Vick.
Continue ReadingDefinition. Lamb Shank – …
Definition. Lamb Shank – The art of killing sheep
Continue ReadingI had a panic in the kitc …
I had a panic in the kitchen the other day: “We’re getting very low on herbs and thyme is running out”.
Continue ReadingMy parents hated me when …
My parents hated me when I was a child. So much so, they got other kids to be in our home movies.
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