I was going to make a jok …
I was going to make a joke about the coalition, But I did a U-turn and decided that it was unnecessary.
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I’m doing my bit for Chil …
I’m doing my bit for Children in Need. So far I’ve collected 100 and I’m keeping it. Well, I was a child once and I need the money.
Continue ReadingWhat animal can go throug …
What animal can go through it’s whole life without sleeping? Audley Harrison because he never hits the Haye.
Continue ReadingThat poor boy in the pool …
That poor boy in the pool on holiday, not quite the way I would expect to get sucked to death in Thailand.
Continue ReadingI have been posting messa …
I have been posting messages to my girlfriend on Facebook all day and… Nothing. Honestly, it’s like I’m just talking to her wall.
Continue ReadingWith comic relief being o …
With comic relief being on iPlayer, I can choose the bits I actually want to watch. None of it.
Continue ReadingMy daughter is so much li …
My daughter is so much like my late wife. Never on time
Continue ReadingMy mate challenged me to …
My mate challenged me to get him something affordable for his rabbit to play in, I gave him a right good run for his money.
Continue ReadingMy wife is leaving me bec …
My wife is leaving me because she hates the way i take things literally. I thought getting her another packet of straws would help after she’d used the last one.
Continue ReadingI Just switched my mobile …
I Just switched my mobile to predictive text and I got one telling me I’m going to die in May 2016.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call tights t …
What do you call tights that are to big for you?
Continue ReadingLearning a new language i …
Learning a new language is essential. Just ask any mouse that can bark.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend is leaving …
My girlfriend is leaving me because she thinks I’m a buffoon. So, with a heavy heart, I selected the most depressing of my ‘unhappy horns’ and honked the saddest of honks. “Honk”.
Continue ReadingA man takes his Rottweile …
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. “Can you have a look at him,” he says, “I think he’s cross-eyed”. So the vet picks up the dog and examines him. “I’m going to have to put him down,” says the vet. “Why, just because he’s cross eyed?” “No,” says the vet, “because he’s heavy!”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between exaggeration and contradiction? Tons of stuff, but not a great deal.
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