Whenever someone dies at …
Whenever someone dies at work, they always die “doing the job they loved.” Thanks god I hate my job!
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
If Stephen Hawking gets e …
If Stephen Hawking gets eaten by a cannibal, I wonder how many bytes it will take?
Continue ReadingAvoidable: what a bullfig …
Avoidable: what a bullfighter tries to do.
Continue ReadingI booked myself into the …
I booked myself into the ”Double Candy” hotel. It had a suite ring to it.
Continue ReadingMy friend is a footballer …
My friend is a footballer who recently got an 8 match ban for tying an opponent to the crossbar with his boot laces. He didn’t like being suspended.
Continue ReadingApparently it can be real …
Apparently it can be really dangerous listening to the radio with your ear pressed right up against it, especially on the motorway.
Continue ReadingMy memory is playing tric …
My memory is playing tricks on me. It keeps asking me to pick a card, any card.
Continue ReadingI walked into our local p …
I walked into our local police station and ordered all of them to get down onto the floor. I shouted at them until each one was horizontal on their backs. I really laid down the law.
Continue ReadingThe boss caught me sat on …
The boss caught me sat on the phone earlier. I’d have looked a lot less suspicious if it wasn’t set to vibrate.
Continue ReadingMy wife just said to me ” …
My wife just said to me “Just how brainless and heartless can you possibly get?” I said well “I caught a Jellyfish once”.
Continue ReadingJust been banned from kee …
Just been banned from keeping pets. Turns out that a bearded dragon doesn’t like razors.
Continue ReadingI won $2 million on the l …
I won $2 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $ 1,999,999.75.
Continue ReadingMy wife recently decided …
My wife recently decided to donate her body to science. She left me for a doctor.
Continue ReadingScientific evidence sugge …
Scientific evidence suggests that feeding chocolate to dogs is highly dangerous and must be avoided. From experience, I can say that this is true from what happened to my own dog. He choked on a rolo.
Continue ReadingAn Internet cafe owner ju …
An Internet cafe owner just threw me out and called me a thief. Honestly. I was just browsing.
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