I knew I’d had too much t …
I knew I’d had too much to drink when I tried to light my cigarette with the wrong end. Thank God my mate was there to pull up my pants and trousers and put it in my mouth.
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How ironic that the starv …
How ironic that the starving little African kid on Soccer Aid is called Marvin
Continue ReadingIs it me or are sickipedi …
Is it me or are sickipedians actually quite clever
Continue ReadingThe other day I had my ph …
The other day I had my photo taken with AC/DC. I’m at the back in black.
Continue Reading“Sarcasm is the lowest fo …
“Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.” Whoever said that has clearly never been the victim of a mum joke.
Continue ReadingI used to love playing sp …
I used to love playing spin the bottle when I was younger. And catch the bottle. And talk to the bottle. I was a very lonely child.
Continue ReadingMy mate told me he has a …
My mate told me he has a shed full of geese. I asked him for a gander…
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you cross a cow with a potato? A leather jacket.
Continue ReadingMy dog collapsed this mor …
My dog collapsed this morning. I rushed him down the vets and the vet said, “Do you think he’s eaten something?” I said, “God no – I haven’t fed him for two weeks.”
Continue ReadingI pulled 10 women last ni …
I pulled 10 women last night. Tug of war champion.
Continue ReadingStatistics show that most …
Statistics show that most Siamese twins are up for a threesome.
Continue ReadingWhat is the difference be …
What is the difference between Sunderland goalkeeper and a minicab driver? The Sunderland keeper has let more than four in.
Continue ReadingLast night my entire Micr …
Last night my entire Microsoft Office crashed! I can’t put into Word how angry I am….!
Continue ReadingThis Fleetwood Mac Sat Na …
This Fleetwood Mac Sat Nav is rubbish – it keeps telling me to go my own way.
Continue ReadingI’m about to give my son …
I’m about to give my son a bath. Admittedly, a strange choice of gift for a 3 month old.
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