The interview was going w …
The interview was going well till she asked me to show her my Testimonials. I misunderstood
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I never let my children w …
I never let my children watch big band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.
Continue ReadingA Concerned mother warns …
A Concerned mother warns her little boy, “don’t look at naked women or you’ll turn to stone.” Johnny loved his mother, and as such decided not to look at naked women. But one day johhny and his friend were walking along a beach, and saw a woman sunbathing naked. Johnny remembered what his mother said, […]
Continue ReadingMy mate told me that I’m …
My mate told me that I’m too vague But, you know what they say.
Continue ReadingI was just chopping a tre …
I was just chopping a tree up and thought to myself: “Why is there no gravity in this forest?”
Continue ReadingDefinition of pointless: …
Definition of pointless: Jobless people on Facebook updating their status to ‘thank god it’s Friday’.
Continue Reading“Movember” has been great …
“Movember” has been great fun, I’m not that ecstatic about “Fanuary” though.
Continue ReadingA paki walks into a bar o …
A paki walks into a bar of soap
Continue Reading“I’ll have a ham and anch …
“I’ll have a ham and anchovy pizza, please, but go easy on the anchovies.” “I’m sorry, sir. Our anchovies are already dead.”
Continue ReadingA bloke came up to me in …
A bloke came up to me in the street today and threw a jigsaw at me for no reason whatsoever. I was puzzled.
Continue ReadingNEWS: baby killed by lamp …
NEWS: baby killed by lamp post falling on top of pram. At the time the Mother was asking for a light.
Continue ReadingMy daughter looks so cute …
My daughter looks so cute in a little sailors suit! The salty spray in her hair…
Continue ReadingMy cat was stuck up the t …
My cat was stuck up the top of a tree today, so I tried getting him down with a few slices of ham. Unfortunately he still just sat there, the ham clearly wasn’t heavy enough.
Continue ReadingI wasn’t sure how my wife …
I wasn’t sure how my wife would react when she realised that i’d brought her to a Bukkake party. To my surprise she took it on the chin.
Continue ReadingIn the two months since s …
In the two months since she moved in with me, the girlfriend’s managed to put a stone on. The garden wall’s never getting finished at this rate.
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