Now I’ve plucked and stuf …
Now I’ve plucked and stuffed the bird, all that remains is to kill it.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Just got fired from my jo …
Just got fired from my job working on Countdown. I don’t see where they’re coming from but apparently I was consonantly getting words mixed up.
Continue ReadingWhy did the man sleep und …
Why did the man sleep under the car? Because he wanted to get up really oily.
Continue ReadingI’ve got all the names of …
I’ve got all the names of the soldiers who came back from WWII as leg amputees… It’s the shinless list.
Continue ReadingI walked into a jazz club …
I walked into a jazz club last night. It was a bit too clicky.
Continue ReadingI treat my kids like AM r …
I treat my kids like AM radio. I never listen to them.
Continue ReadingI sat in front of the fir …
I sat in front of the fire looking at the note in my hand. As I slowly crumpled it up and threw it into the flames it dawned on me. I have more money than sense.
Continue ReadingThey promised my new guid …
They promised my new guide dog will be delivered tomorrow. Can’t see that happening.
Continue ReadingThe lone ranger and Tonto …
The lone ranger and Tonto are walking through the desert. Tonto says “We must stop here, my horse is tired” The lone ranger replies “how do you know that?” “He’s put his pyjamas on”…
Continue ReadingWhen I was at school I go …
When I was at school I got an A in English. Which is probably one of the reasons I failed my English exam.
Continue ReadingMy wife is getting angry …
My wife is getting angry at me because I apparently ‘jeopardise our financial security by giving away our PIN number’. It’s ridiculous, I mean, does anyone actually know when the Battle of Hastings was anyway?
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS – Fire cutbacks …
BBC NEWS – Fire cutbacks ‘put lives at risk.’ Oh so that’s where I’ve been going wrong? Next time my chip pan is blazing away, I’ll not waste the local fire stations time, safe in the knowledge I have less chance of dying when the flames are free to burn away.
Continue ReadingA clown was taking the mi …
A clown was taking the mickey out of me earlier so I said to him, ‘you’re dead, funny!’ He said, ‘thanks.’ So I shot him in the chest.
Continue ReadingI just seen a 12 year old …
I just seen a 12 year old girl riding a mental patient to school. It was virgin on the insane.
Continue ReadingMy wife said to me “If yo …
My wife said to me “If you suddenly had 1 million pounds in your pocket, what would be the first thing you’d buy?” I said “A pair of jeans with smaller pockets”.
Continue Reading