Dear Deirdre Ever since I …
Dear Deirdre Ever since I’ve been able to write, I’ve had problems with people recognising me for my work. It’s really getting me down. Can you please help? Anon.
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“Behind every successful …
“Behind every successful man is a woman”. Serves them right for running in the same race then.
Continue ReadingI got sacked as a music t …
I got sacked as a music teacher at a primary school. I was told, teaching the girls to finger their organs was inappropriate.
Continue ReadingI was changing my baby da …
I was changing my baby daughter’s nappy this morning when I noticed she had diarrhoea. I said to my wife, “She’s got diarrhoea and there’s a few bits of sweetcorn in it.” She said, “It’s probably her teeth.” I said, “No love, it’s definitely sweetcorn.”
Continue ReadingA lorry carrying onions h …
A lorry carrying onions has overturned on the M62. Police are urging motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on
Continue ReadingMy five-year old daughter …
My five-year old daughter just came up to me and said “Daddy, I want to be a dolphin! Please, please, please make me into a pretty dolphin!” So I sat her down and said, “Honey, I can’t do that. But I can give you the next best thing! Hugs and tickles!” Then I hugged her […]
Continue ReadingI’m hoping to find a cure …
I’m hoping to find a cure for my hiccups. But I’m not holding my breath.
Continue ReadingI was touched yesterday w …
I was touched yesterday when my black wife came up to me and said “Baby, I believe in you.” Until she started packing her bags and took the kids.
Continue ReadingBeing the Dare Devil that …
Being the Dare Devil that I am, I’ve decided to go to TGI Fridays, on a Monday.
Continue ReadingI woke up to find myself …
I woke up to find myself amongst a variety of diced vegetables in a thick vinegar sauce. What a pickle.
Continue ReadingYou know you’re on Sickip …
You know you’re on Sickipedia too much, when you can spell Paedophile right without even thinking about it…
Continue ReadingAll these England shirt p …
All these England shirt profile pictures on Facebook are getting on my nerves And people didn’t see the funny side when I made mine as ‘Bird’, number 12.
Continue ReadingI think my dad was a magi …
I think my dad was a magician. He did a disappearing act when I was born.
Continue ReadingChange is good… …ask …
Change is good… …ask a tramp.
Continue ReadingI’ve been stealing sausag …
I’ve been stealing sausages from the factory where I work and now I’m paranoid that the owners are on to me. Feels like the Walls are closing in on me.
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