My mate is a Liverpool fa …
My mate is a Liverpool fan and yesterday had a trial there. It didn’t go too well though. The judge sentenced him to 6 months.
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What kind of shampoo do r …
What kind of shampoo do rodents use? Gerbil Essences.
Continue ReadingA police car pulled me ov …
A police car pulled me over on my way home from the pub last night. The policeman said, “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to blow into this bag.” “Ah, come on mate, she’s not that bad,” I said, nodding to the WPC who was with him.
Continue ReadingBulimics of the world, un …
Bulimics of the world, uneat!
Continue ReadingI was bidding for a Compu …
I was bidding for a Computer Game on eBay this morning, when I suddenly got a message saying ‘You Have Won This Item’ I thought to myself, “That’s a result, I was just about to pay 26 for that.”
Continue ReadingSurely Justin Bieber’s ne …
Surely Justin Bieber’s new movie should just be called “Say”?
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a male v …
What do you call a male virgin? Humphrey.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call an Ibiza …
What do you call an Ibizan terrorist.. All summer bin larging it.
Continue ReadingIf I become my parents, I …
If I become my parents, I’ll be an alcoholic blonde running around chasing after twenty year old men…..or I’ll become my mom.
Continue ReadingThey say, “Once you go bl …
They say, “Once you go black you never go back!” I say, ” Everything taste better on a Cracker!”
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to spend a w …
I’ve decided to spend a weekend in the Dales. And, if I enjoy it, I’ll spend next week in the Rodneys.
Continue ReadingWhats better than falling …
Whats better than falling asleep at the wheel? Waking up in hospital unscathed but being told your wife didn’t survive.
Continue ReadingYou know your career’s go …
You know your career’s going nowhere when your autobiography is being sold in Poundland.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she’s leavin …
My wife said she’s leaving me because I act like a tramp. I begged her not to go.
Continue ReadingAs the smell of the fart …
As the smell of the fart permeated the air around me and everyone began to hold their noses, I did what huge numbers of men have done before me. I blamed it on the dog. I thought I’d got away with it until the nurse pointed out that dogs weren’t allowed in the operating theatre.
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