I’m the kinda guy that’s …
I’m the kinda guy that’s so lazy I would copy and paste my suicide note from Google.
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The wife’s heard that dar …
The wife’s heard that dark chocolate is less fattening. Now the thick cow’s started eating it with the light off.
Continue ReadingBudweiser 66: Lightly car …
Budweiser 66: Lightly carbonated for a smooth, easy taste. AKA Budweiser 66: we left a couple of thousand barrels open overnight by mistake and need to get rid of it.
Continue ReadingI just got off the phone …
I just got off the phone to directory enquiries, the girl on the phone started chatting me up, telling me that she’s completely clean shaven. She’s a smooth operator.
Continue ReadingStallones son is dead? I …
Stallones son is dead? It’s a good job I’m a cannibal, Sage goes well with pork.
Continue ReadingIt really annoys me when …
It really annoys me when people don’t have their photos on Facebook organised. It makes finding girls’ holiday photos that much more inconvenient.
Continue ReadingJust invented a new type …
Just invented a new type of meat that can only be produced by launching a bovine towards a pig at the speed of light. I call it the Hoggs Bison.
Continue ReadingWhat is the connection be …
What is the connection between; Jade Goody. Phil Cornwell and Michael Jackson ? Dead Minger Dead Ringer Dead Singer.
Continue ReadingI was watching Horse raci …
I was watching Horse racing with my son when he asked, “Dad, how longs a length?” I said, ” I don’t know about yours, son, but mines about 8 inches.”
Continue ReadingMy son asked me today, “D …
My son asked me today, “Dad, what music did you like growing up?” “Led Zeppelin,” I replied. “Who?” he said. “Yeah, I liked them too.”
Continue ReadingMatt Damon’s wife has thr …
Matt Damon’s wife has threatened to divorce him unless he shaves more regularly. It’s the Braun Ultimatum.
Continue ReadingMy mate told me last nigh …
My mate told me last night that he won a darts match with a double 25. But I think he’s talking bull.
Continue ReadingI was telling my dad that …
I was telling my dad that it’s easy to steal washing off the neighbours line. He said, “I know son, Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.”
Continue ReadingI bought a purple cheese …
I bought a purple cheese grater from IKEA today. I didn’t even know you could get purple cheese.
Continue ReadingMexican strip club – Somb …
Mexican strip club – Sombre-hoes
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