People say my jokes are q …
People say my jokes are quite cheesy… Personally, I think they’re quite mature
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Some of my mates have acc …
Some of my mates have accused my of being insensitive. I can’t really blame them, some of my jokes at work go down like a building full of screaming Americans on 9/11.
Continue ReadingI bought a ”Lean Mean Fa …
I bought a ”Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine” to lose weight. I put on five stone. I blame the delicious gravy it makes.
Continue ReadingA mechanic friend of mine …
A mechanic friend of mine died recently, he had an open gasket funeral.
Continue ReadingJason Statham stars in a …
Jason Statham stars in a new movie where he kidnaps young girls for money… …the McCannic
Continue Reading“I cant believe Westlife …
“I cant believe Westlife have split up, if I hear anything to do with them from now on Im just gonna get upset” sobbed the wife. “Oh Mandy” I said.
Continue ReadingMy one year old lamb is s …
My one year old lamb is starting to look rather sheepish.
Continue ReadingMy wife hates it when I d …
My wife hates it when I drink Stella. It does her head in.
Continue ReadingMy mate just said “I’m st …
My mate just said “I’m starving I feel like an Ethiopian.” Some people will eat anything.
Continue ReadingYou could say facebook is …
You could say facebook is like a fridge. You know it’s got nothing new, but you check it anyway.
Continue ReadingI just ordered an Indian. …
I just ordered an Indian. He starts on Monday.
Continue ReadingWho said Shakespeare was …
Who said Shakespeare was irrelevant? As he handed over the computer files of the News of the World to the police today, James Murdoch uttered the words, “This is the WinZip of our disc contents.”
Continue ReadingI got fired from my garde …
I got fired from my gardening job today for killing unwanted vegetation didn’t help that I was inside a nursing home at the time.
Continue ReadingWatched the pre-Budget re …
Watched the pre-Budget report today. Coincidentally, my wife’s always talking my hard-earned money off me, and I call her ‘Darling’ too.
Continue ReadingI was on the bus today wh …
I was on the bus today when a young mother asked me “Do you mind if I breast feed?” I said “No that’s fine, but don’t suck my nipple too hard”
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