I made the most amazing p …
I made the most amazing pasta dish this evening for tea. After I’d put my soup in, it all went soggy and fell apart though.
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I haven’t yet established …
I haven’t yet established myself in Snooker. I’m just waiting for my big break.
Continue ReadingI just dropped my calcula …
I just dropped my calculator into my dinner. Looks like I’m having pi then.
Continue ReadingBlack police officer… T …
Black police officer… The equivalent of putting a junkie in charge of a pharmacy.
Continue ReadingAs I sat and watched “I’m …
As I sat and watched “I’m a celebrity get me out of here” I wondered what a Bushtucker trial was. Then Fatima lifted up her arms.
Continue ReadingI gave my crazy little re …
I gave my crazy little reptile some Prozac the other nite. Now he’s a calmer Chameleon.
Continue ReadingWas just watching BBC new …
Was just watching BBC news. Saw that an increasing number of Indian villagers are being eaten by Bengal tigers. I feel that this is such an important issue that I’ve quit my job and I’m going out to help. Not sure how to get 2 tons of catnip necklaces through custom though.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Should we stop …
BBC News: Should we stop Eastern immigration? Lets see what the polls have to say.
Continue ReadingMy neighbour won’t stop s …
My neighbour won’t stop singing in the flat below me. Makes it very difficult to harmonise.
Continue ReadingJust got back from my hol …
Just got back from my holiday in France, everyone there was friendly, polite and co-operative. Typical French, refusing to live up to their comedy stereotypes.
Continue ReadingI’ve just joined a club f …
I’ve just joined a club for people who get partially aroused while thinking about their houses. I’ve got a semi.
Continue ReadingLife as a mischief maker …
Life as a mischief maker is easy! After all, it’s not difficult to turn women into bossy leaders.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a bag of marshmallows? Not much. They’re both white, made children’s faces all sticky, and will be roasted in fire soon.
Continue ReadingThe teacher asked little …
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers yet. “Yes, teacher,” he said, “my dad taught me.” “Good, Johnny. Tell me what comes after two,” the teacher said. “Three,” replied little Johnny. “Very good. What comes after five, Johnny?” asked the teacher. “Six,” answered little Johnny. “Excellent. Your dad did a very good […]
Continue ReadingWe spoilt our son last ni …
We spoilt our son last night by arranging 19 bouncy castles of every shape and size for what was a perfect birthday party. Boy, is today just going to be a huge let down.
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