Never get into a fight wi …
Never get into a fight with someone who has a large tattoo on their neck. Do they look the kind of person who has anything to lose?
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I failed to sign up my pr …
I failed to sign up my preferred choice for headline act at my new festival. Guess it’s off to Plan B then..
Continue ReadingI was toy shopping with m …
I was toy shopping with my daughter when she saw some Toy Story figures on the shelves,she said, “Are Buzz and Woody not moving because they’re not real – like the ones in Toy Story?”, So, I played along and said, “No sweetheart, see how those one’s are in boxes?”. She said,”Oh, can they not […]
Continue ReadingWhat are wok’s used for? …
What are wok’s used for? Thwowing at wabbits.
Continue ReadingMy wife just left me beca …
My wife just left me because of my apparent obsession with Tudor times. However, I got the last laugh. I shat on her out of the window when she was leaving.
Continue ReadingGet ripped in 4 weeks? It …
Get ripped in 4 weeks? It’s a scam! Windows Media Player does it in 10 minutes.
Continue ReadingI was very sick last nigh …
I was very sick last night after eating a dodgy chocolate bar. But that’s off Topic…
Continue ReadingAs I got in from work las …
As I got in from work last night, the wife said: “Everything alright love, did you have a good day?” “I think I’ve made a mistake” I replied, “I was really rude with my boss earlier.” “Oh no, what did you call him?” she asked. “Nothing” I said, “I rimmed him in the stationary cupboard.”
Continue Readingi thought that this count …
i thought that this country had a load of foreigners until i went abroad
Continue ReadingHow long is a hair on a r …
How long is a hair on a rabbit’s back? About 10 minutes.
Continue ReadingPeople who have no index …
People who have no index fingers are pointless.
Continue ReadingMy kids begged me to let …
My kids begged me to let them have some sparklers to take to the park this evening but I had to tell them that they’re too young to play with fireworks. They’ll just have to make do with twirling their cigarettes around really quickly like all the other children.
Continue ReadingI wonder what turns OCD p …
I wonder what turns OCD people on…. and off. And on again. And then off again.
Continue ReadingMy granddad was a terribl …
My granddad was a terrible Elvis impersonator.. There wasn’t much call for it in 1927.
Continue ReadingI like co-operative onion …
I like co-operative onion rings, They come out of the packet if you ask them nicely.
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