My girlfriend called over …
My girlfriend called over to help me build my medieval figure set. She really made my knight
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My mate asked me if I cou …
My mate asked me if I could look after his downs syndrome daughter tomorrow night. “I’m not sure, can I sleep on it?”, I replied. He answered “So long as I get a night out, you can do anything you want with it.”
Continue ReadingI went to the local mosqu …
I went to the local mosque earlier and beat up a Mullah who had been preaching hate as a retaliation. Unfortunately I got the wrong guy – it seems I made a clerical error…
Continue ReadingWhat percentage of users …
What percentage of users actually make it on to dealingwithdyslexia.org on their first attempt?
Continue ReadingYou’d think I’d be vain. …
You’d think I’d be vain. Gorgeous people like me usually are.
Continue ReadingI phoned my local restaur …
I phoned my local restaurant today to see if they have any job vacancies. The lady said, “Can you wait for 5 minutes?” I said, “Hmmmm, I was looking for something full time.”
Continue ReadingI carry my mate Patrick a …
I carry my mate Patrick around on my back all the time and it feels quite good. A Pat on the back works wonders.
Continue ReadingWhat you call a sheep wit …
What you call a sheep with a gun? Lambo.
Continue ReadingI was driving home from w …
I was driving home from work one day, when i noticed for the first time ever that my cigarette box had messages on them. Mine read “Smoking harms you and others around you”. Whilest reading this i totally forgot that i was driving, and before i knew it the car was spinning through the air […]
Continue ReadingI keep seeing these signs …
I keep seeing these signs reading, “Make money at home in your spare time.” I thought, “What a great idea!” It turns out that’s illegal, and it’s called counterfeiting.
Continue ReadingI’m a drug tourist. I nev …
I’m a drug tourist. I never actually go anywhere, I just sit at home, get stoned and wait for the hallucinations of exotic foreign travel to kick in.
Continue ReadingWhen I was shopping in Te …
When I was shopping in Tesco I went up to the fish counter. He told me he’d got seven.
Continue ReadingIt’s especially dangerous …
It’s especially dangerous to run with scissors when someone nearby is running with rock
Continue ReadingIn an attempt to better m …
In an attempt to better myself in the run up to my exams, I’ve decided it’s time to work harder. I’m going to put 100% into everythi.
Continue ReadingMy mate beat me at Jenga …
My mate beat me at Jenga by cheating. So I knocked his block off.
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