Me and the wife spent hou …
Me and the wife spent hours trying to come up with an anagram of ‘vole’. Then we made love.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My wife said she was goin …
My wife said she was going to leave me because of my obsession with trees. I said, ‘I just can’t live without yew!’
Continue Reading“Okay, that’ll be 20p,” s …
“Okay, that’ll be 20p,” said the cashier as he scanned my Freddo. “What!?” I shouted. “But it says 10p on the wrapper?” “Yes, I know it says that on it, but it is actually 20.” “Fine,” I said, as I begrudgingly handed him the cash. “Ummm, excuse me sir,” the man slid the coin back […]
Continue ReadingI was brought up to respe …
I was brought up to respect my elders so if an old man gives me 100 thinking I’m his nephew, then by God I’ll respect that decision.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend asked me th …
My girlfriend asked me the other day, “Dave, why do you always walk in front of me?” I said, “I’m sorry, I don’t follow you.”
Continue ReadingStuart Donnelly, Britain’ …
Stuart Donnelly, Britain’s youngest lottery winner has died. His number was up.
Continue ReadingThe wife has gone on a cr …
The wife has gone on a crash diet… She dented the car so I knocked her teeth out.
Continue ReadingKirstie Allsop was left w …
Kirstie Allsop was left with a damaged shoulder, wrist and finger after a nasty fall down the stairs. Dislocation, dislocation, dislocation.
Continue ReadingI hate getting that sinki …
I hate getting that sinking feeling… Especially when i’m on a boat.
Continue ReadingWhat did the homeless man …
What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing.
Continue ReadingPolice: How did your wife …
Police: How did your wife get that mark on her forehead? Husband: She fell down the stairs. Police: But you live in a bungalow. Husband: Yeah but she lives in the cellar.
Continue ReadingInner city Sikhs. Putting …
Inner city Sikhs. Putting the urban into turban.
Continue ReadingWent into an abortion cli …
Went into an abortion clinic the other day. They boasted “Service with a smile!” God I love Henry Hoovers!
Continue ReadingI’m trying to stop saying …
I’m trying to stop saying “That’s what she said” after everything my wife says. It’s quite hard.
Continue ReadingMy request to study physi …
My request to study physics at Oxford university has been declined. Apparently putting “Because it’s gods plan” as the answer to every question isn’t the best way to get in.
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