qjoq.com – Page 1508

I remember in 1995 when I …

I remember in 1995 when I went to an Oasis gig with my sister and my brother. And I shouted, “Go Oasis.” Then my sister left.

I lost my Grandfather las …

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I lost my Grandfather last week. That was the worst game of Poker I have ever been involved in.

Hit me at 30 and there is …

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Hit me at 30 and there is an 80% chance I’ll live. Hit me at 40 and there is an 80% chance I’ll die. Hit me at 80 and I’ll break my hip and fall down the stairs.

A mate asked me to list e …

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A mate asked me to list euphemisms for death. I’m at a loss.

Why are there no pigs in …

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Why are there no pigs in Saudi Arabia ? Because they are not prepared to live with a bunch of filthy, stinking Arabs.

I came home from work one day to find that my wife had collapsed and died in the shower. I found her dry and shriveled-up body on the floor and I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. I figured she must have dried of natural causes.

Snapped my shoelace earli …

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Snapped my shoelace earlier. To be fair, I usually win most of the card games we play anyway.

Finally, my money problem …

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Finally, my money problems have all gone out the window. Unusually on the same day as my wife did.

Give a Nigerian a fish an …

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Give a Nigerian a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to phish and he will eat for the rest of his life.

It just occurred to me, t …

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It just occurred to me, the only fresh air I get is when I go outside for a cigarette.

“What colour is a ginger …

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“What colour is a ginger persons poo, dad?” Asked my son. “Honestly Michael,” I replied shaking my head in disbelief, “Sometimes I wonder if you’re really my son? A ginger persons poo is red of course.”