My Friend told me that ca …
My Friend told me that caustic soda was a drink. Just found out it was a lye.
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I said too my new girlfri …
I said too my new girlfriend “i hate you saying the C word it makes me sick” she replied “I WOULD NEVER SAY THAT!!!” “yeah you do, commitment this, commitment that”
Continue ReadingHalf of a large intestine …
Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon
Continue ReadingMy job really sucks. I wo …
My job really sucks. I work in a hoover development factory.
Continue ReadingA woman goes to the docto …
A woman goes to the doctor and asks “my husband walks with a terrible limp because his left leg is two inches longer than his right, what would you do in his case?” to which the doctor replies “I’d probably limp too!”
Continue ReadingA mate came to visit me t …
A mate came to visit me the other week ”Did you come on the bus?” I asked him. His reply was ”Yes I did as a matter of fact ! The driver was not happy though.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s a bear’s favorite …
What’s a bear’s favorite charity event? The 40 Hour Salmon
Continue ReadingPUNISHMENT That’s capital …
PUNISHMENT That’s capital punishment.
Continue ReadingWhy are soldiers always t …
Why are soldiers always tired in April? Because they’ve just done a 31 day March.
Continue ReadingRyan Giggs today admitted …
Ryan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that, even though he’s happy in Manchester, he does Miss Wales occasionally.
Continue ReadingThe papers are going on a …
The papers are going on about how this is “The heaviest snowfall in decades” and how “The councils are ill-prepared” etc No grit, Sherlock.
Continue ReadingWhen I found out my missu …
When I found out my missus’ pet spider was on the loose, I went and bought a tank… That should enable me to fire at it from a reasonably safe distance.
Continue ReadingMy mate just stays at hom …
My mate just stays at home these days, watching film after film. He has developed a reel problem
Continue ReadingWalkers Lights. Because W …
Walkers Lights. Because Walkers standard bags of crisps aren’t empty enough.
Continue ReadingGreat, the local mafia bo …
Great, the local mafia boss just scratched my dog’s back. Now he owes him a favour.
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