A policeman randomly stop …
A policeman randomly stopped me in the street last night. He said, “Before I search you sir, do you have anything on you that you shouldn’t have?” I said, “Yes, I’m wearing my nans bra.”
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I went to look at a house …
I went to look at a house for sale. It had the numbers 1 to 9 on the door and there was a “Stop” sign just near the “Play” area. I paused and thought “It seems a bit remote.”
Continue ReadingI bet Kate Middleton’s we …
I bet Kate Middleton’s well chuffed to find herself on honeymoon with the future king of England. I can picture her now, with her fist in the heir.
Continue ReadingFor people who suffer fro …
For people who suffer from a sweaty face in the hot season… You can spray regular deodorant on your face to help reduce the problem. Just make sure you keep your eyes open so you can see where you are spraying it.
Continue ReadingI bought my son a chapsti …
I bought my son a chapstick today. It didn’t work, he still looks like a girl.
Continue ReadingKid I knew in school had …
Kid I knew in school had an extra finger on each hand. He was digitally enhanced.
Continue ReadingExciting goings on at num …
Exciting goings on at number 10 last night, I see. She caught him having it off with the young girl at number 17.
Continue ReadingMy mate’s sister has just …
My mate’s sister has just been round and fitted a new gas meter. It’s great, but when he said, “My sister works for the gas board, do you wanna meter?” I think I got the wrong idea!
Continue ReadingI had a nervous break dow …
I had a nervous break down yesterday. I broke down in the middle of nowere and realised I had not renewed my AA cover.
Continue ReadingSecond world war bomb fou …
Second world war bomb found in wardrobe. When did they find the first?
Continue ReadingIt’s a sad day for mankin …
It’s a sad day for mankind when you search ‘hardcore domination’ and results direct you to Call of Duty.
Continue ReadingThey say guys like girls …
They say guys like girls who are exactly like their mothers. That’s certainly true for my girlfriend. She’s dead.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend says I’m to …
My girlfriend says I’m too intimidating, but I think she flinches too easily.
Continue ReadingI punched a blind man on …
I punched a blind man on the nose earlier. That’ll teach his dog to look at my wife.
Continue ReadingFor some reason, I find a …
For some reason, I find any animal with hypersensitive hearing really eerie
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