My gran always used to sa …
My gran always used to say that, “No news is good news.” No surprise that she was soon sacked from her job as a journalist.
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I’m against hunting, in f …
I’m against hunting, in fact I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.
Continue ReadingIs it just me that thinks …
Is it just me that thinks asking children to ‘do something funny for money’ is immensely inappropriate?
Continue ReadingI’m writing a television …
I’m writing a television show called “The year” Hopefully it will last for four seasons
Continue ReadingMy wife sucks. If only sh …
My wife sucks. If only she swallowed.
Continue Readingbbc sport news: No transf …
bbc sport news: No transfer Rush, says Ferguson! To be fair, you are a rock band!
Continue ReadingI was sat at the table ea …
I was sat at the table eating my kebab last night. “Sir, could you please take that tub of garlic off black 20,” asked the roulette dealer.
Continue ReadingI find that lying is like …
I find that lying is like farting in the bath, you think it’s funny at first, but it always bubbling to the surface eventually.
Continue ReadingI have a long history of …
I have a long history of suicide in my family. The good news is it skips a generation. So if I’m lucky, my kids will kill themselves.
Continue ReadingWhat is a siamese twin’s …
What is a siamese twin’s favourite career path? Joinery.
Continue ReadingHow do you spell: Potato? …
How do you spell: Potato? If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for […]
Continue ReadingOne of my relatives died …
One of my relatives died at 03:00am this morning, and I’m not too bothered by it. I guess that I’m just not a mourning person.
Continue ReadingI was looking into adopti …
I was looking into adopting my second child this week and i made sure to look into three vital key areas: 1. The cost of adopting said child. 2.The ethnicity of the child. 3.Time it takes to cook.
Continue ReadingLadies and gentlemen, Wel …
Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to Ryanair, the following message includes essential information needed for your survival in case of an accident. If you would like to hear this message please insert 5
Continue ReadingTheres no smoke without f …
Theres no smoke without fire Me and my smoke machine beg to differ.
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