I performed an operation …
I performed an operation earlier to save a young boy’s hearing. I think it may have gone wrong though, he told me he feels sound.
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What’s worse than a bull …
What’s worse than a bull in a china shop? A hedgehog in a condom factory.
Continue ReadingI was called by a telemar …
I was called by a telemarketer the other day. He asked me, “Is this an inconvenient time for you?” and when I replied it wasn’t, he said, “Oh, I’ll call back later then.”
Continue ReadingIsn’t the English languag …
Isn’t the English language strange? Literally speaking, the opposite of up-lifting must be down-dropping. Which sounds like dropping a kid with learning disabilities down some stairs. Which I personally find very uplifting.
Continue ReadingThe word paedophile liter …
The word paedophile literally translates to ‘Child Enthusiast.’ Over enthusiastic much?
Continue ReadingI’ve just read a piece in …
I’ve just read a piece in the newspaper about the mentally handicapped……….. It was a special report.
Continue ReadingI bet I know what’s on th …
I bet I know what’s on the front of The Sun newspaper tomorrow, it’s obvious. Tuesday, May 3, 2011. 25p.
Continue ReadingFor a laugh on your child …
For a laugh on your child’s 11th birthday; forge a Hogwarts acceptance letter.
Continue ReadingDid you know, that if all …
Did you know, that if all the cars in England were lined end to end….it would probably be Bank Holiday Monday.
Continue ReadingMy friend insisted I went …
My friend insisted I went to his fancy dress party as a Jack in the Box. I’m sure he’s just trying to wind me up.
Continue ReadingWhen I was in America, I …
When I was in America, I met one of those very large Americans. He said he fitted kitchens, I said, “I bet you don’t”.
Continue ReadingAll the best artistic ide …
All the best artistic ideas are kept inside drawers.
Continue ReadingI was trying to explain t …
I was trying to explain the concept of Twitter to my mate. He said, “I don’t follow you.”
Continue ReadingI just saw a calendar for …
I just saw a calendar for sale, “Michael Jackson 1958-2009”. I didn’t buy it, I wanted a 2010 calendar.
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny is staying …
Little Johnny is staying with Grandma and Grandpa for the weekend. When his mum comes to pick him up, she asks him how it was. “Boring!” says Johnny “Why?” “Gran and Grandad sat around on the sofa with nothing on!” “Whaaaat?” “Yeah, nothing on… no telly, no computer, no stereo, no radio…”
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