A tip for Midgets: Appear …
A tip for Midgets: Appear taller by snacking on fun-size Mars bars and speaking very quietly, thus giving the impression that you are merely a long way away.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Sickipedia and Facebook; …
Sickipedia and Facebook; One is for making jokes about raping children, the others for meeting them.
Continue ReadingNot sure about these new …
Not sure about these new fish pedicures, it took ages just to get the nail polish on their fins.
Continue ReadingBeing bored i decided to …
Being bored i decided to do one of those top5 quiz things of Facebook. ‘Top 5 best comedians ever..’ 1. Ted Bundy. 2. Josef Fritzl. 3. Fred West. 4. Peter Sutcliffe. 5. Ian Huntley.
Continue ReadingIf my iPhone were truly ‘ …
If my iPhone were truly ‘smart’….. It wouldn’t let me text people when I’m drunk.
Continue ReadingI divided 3 into 1 in my …
I divided 3 into 1 in my sleep. It’s a recurring dream.
Continue ReadingI like to lick furiously …
I like to lick furiously round the outside, then thrust my tongue in the middle. I love jam doughnuts.
Continue ReadingTwo guys attacked me the …
Two guys attacked me the other day – one threw baking soda on me while the other sprinkled me with vinegar. I think they wanted a reaction
Continue ReadingMy mate had hiccups earli …
My mate had hiccups earlier, so I decided to throw a crate full of mints at him. I used scare tic tacs.
Continue ReadingMy mate designed trousers …
My mate designed trousers that changes colour according to your mood. Smarty pants.
Continue ReadingI once knew a Norse God b …
I once knew a Norse God but he was diagnosed with Leukaemia and I lost contact with him for 3 years. I saw him today and he was Baldr
Continue ReadingI went to Waterstones tod …
I went to Waterstones today to get a book about conspiracies. There were none there. Coincidence?
Continue ReadingI told the Inland Revenue …
I told the Inland Revenue I didn’t owe them anything because I live on a boat
Continue ReadingI took my six year old bo …
I took my six year old boy swimming today. I left his armbands at home and naturally he started to worry that he might sink to the bottom of the pool. Disaster averted though, I ran to the vending machine and bought two bags of Walkers crisps and tied them to his arms.
Continue ReadingI have a house in West Af …
I have a house in West Africa, but I haven’t Benin for a while.
Continue Reading