Well its that time of yea …
Well its that time of year to go out joy riding…bonfire night. Its the only time they dont send out the police helicopter.
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What do you call a fat I. …
What do you call a fat I.T teacher? Megabite
Continue Reading“Who Wants To Be A Millio …
“Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” Not so fun in Zimbabwe…
Continue ReadingI should have been disapp …
I should have been disappointed by the vending machine dispensing broken chocolate bars, but it gave me a bit of a Boost.
Continue ReadingRight, I’m off out lads. …
Right, I’m off out lads. If anyone looks at me in the wrong way on my travels, I’m going to crack them with a few uppercuts..out of self defence like. Oh, and if they’re not playing my favourite track in the shop, I might crack the till girl in the face as well. No worries […]
Continue ReadingThe Police were investiga …
The Police were investigating a burglary on my estate this afternoon. I think I might of upset them. The officer came to my door and said “Can you tell me your movements this morning?”. “Yes. Loose ones, I shat myself at 8am” I replied.
Continue ReadingMy wife told me that she …
My wife told me that she is leaving me due to my obsession with the Olympics. I told her i’m sure we’ll overcome this hurdle together and get our marriage back on track
Continue ReadingThat English actor from H …
That English actor from House will be saying a few words at Eddie Stobarts funeral. His family say that an articulated Laurie, would be the best vehicle for the eulogy.
Continue ReadingA guy came into my shop w …
A guy came into my shop wanting 10 bees to make his own honey. I put them in a jar, and he said, “There are 11 in here mate.” I said, “I know, one’s a freebie”
Continue ReadingIm sick to death of my da …
Im sick to death of my daughters insistance on only liking bad boys,so much so Ive had to take drastic measures. Ive thrown the DVD away.
Continue ReadingWhen asked about my ultim …
When asked about my ultimate goal at a job interview – I was told Tony Yeboah ’95 wasn’t a suitable answer
Continue ReadingI like to do my bit to he …
I like to do my bit to help get the homeless off the streets… A couple of laxatives in their meths usually does the trick.
Continue ReadingSusan Boyle changes her n …
Susan Boyle changes her name to Subo and becomes the best selling artist in the world. I try to do a similar thing with my name and I get death threats from all four corners of the globe. Looks like I’m destined to always be known as boring old Patrick King.
Continue ReadingTwo commuters meet on the …
Two commuters meet on the tube: “Isn’t this great?” says one. “You don’t have to sit at the wheel, no traffic jams, nothing to get on your nerves, no road rage, noise or stress, you’re conserving the environment and you still get to work on time.” “Exactly,” says the other. “By the way – when […]
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS: “Internet is ‘c …
BBC NEWS: “Internet is ‘changing our memory.’” I’d bet 100 cache it’s had no influence on my thinking whatsoever.
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