I have been considering b …
I have been considering buying a retro second-hand motor. Specifically, I’ve been looking at the 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. That car takes me back…
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PC World won’t give me a …
PC World won’t give me a refund on my computer because they say that I caused the damage by stuffing it full of twenty pound notes. It hardly seems fair when it clearly said it was running in safe mode.
Continue ReadingI’m making a list of all …
I’m making a list of all the things that I ought to do before I die. It’s call my ‘oughtobiography’.
Continue ReadingJust saw a Facebook group …
Just saw a Facebook group ‘Treat your girl how you treat your X box’, well i gave my X box the red ring of death, not sure she would want that to be honest?
Continue ReadingI saw a beaver movie last …
I saw a beaver movie last night, it was the best dam movie I’ve ever seen.
Continue ReadingThere’s very little you c …
There’s very little you can’t achieve with brute force and ignorance. And maybe a little bit of spit.
Continue ReadingWhat is the point of BBC …
What is the point of BBC researchers, if I have to think of questions to ask them?
Continue ReadingMy wife just gave birth, …
My wife just gave birth, which is great because I always said I wanted a child for 4 years or so. My wife however, wants to keep it forever.
Continue ReadingGood things come to those …
Good things come to those who wait, except for those who wait for the bus.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t afford the Vet …
I couldn’t afford the Vet’s bill to neuter the dog, so I just tied a wire brush to my trouser leg.
Continue ReadingI’m always on my cell pho …
I’m always on my cell phone. There’s not much else to do in prison.
Continue ReadingI had a near death experi …
I had a near death experience last night. I was an arms distance away from my wife while she was beaten to death with my hammer.
Continue ReadingI was eating my supper on …
I was eating my supper on my sofa last night when I suddenly thought: “A plate would probably be better.”
Continue ReadingSome Great philosophy que …
Some Great philosophy questions which have alluded all of humanity throughout time. What is the meaning of life? Is there a god, and if so which religon? What happens to me after I die? Where do homeless people charge there phones?
Continue ReadingI just asked out a girl i …
I just asked out a girl i’ve known for years and i’m distraught. The most attractive person you could ever meet, eyes that you can’t help but stare into, wit that could get everyone laughing, an unmatched smile that could warm anyones heart. Why she turned that down i dont know.
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