Why didn’t the atheist cr …
Why didn’t the atheist cross the road? There’s no such thing as the other side
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My mates think it’s great …
My mates think it’s great when I tell them my wife’s a goer. It’s not though. She always comes back.
Continue ReadingI took the liberty of mil …
I took the liberty of milking my mates cow the other day. She took a while to start but made about a cupful of milk. I tasted some and it tasted good and fresh. After I finished the cup my mate woke up and I told him how nice his cow’s milk was. That’s when […]
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t have Parker in …
I wouldn’t have Parker in the side. You are always worried he’ll give away a Pen..
Continue ReadingI have a brilliant job. I …
I have a brilliant job. I work with loads of birds and they always turn their heads whenever I’m in the room. It’s great down the owl sanctuary.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently opened a ne …
I’ve recently opened a new pub. With the vast amount of alcoholics in my area, I’ve decided to call it The Stumble Inn.
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me, “What’s …
My mate asked me, “What’s the first thing you would do if you won the lottery?” I replied, “Collect the winnings.”
Continue ReadingMy wife told me the other …
My wife told me the other day that she was ‘feeling old fashioned’ and ‘not cool anymore’ Soo i stuck her in an american fridge.
Continue ReadingI had one of those ready …
I had one of those ready meals for tea. Cooperative sausages and mash. Far better than those uncooperative sausages and mash, which exploded in the microwave, set the house on fire and killed two of my friends.
Continue ReadingSalvador Dali walks into …
Salvador Dali walks into a fish and orders a pint of stamps. The barman says, “Why the bicycle wheel?”
Continue ReadingI have not yet begun to p …
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
Continue ReadingI was watching my dog scr …
I was watching my dog scratching earlier. I didn’t want to stop him but he was ruining my records.
Continue ReadingWhat does this joke and a …
What does this joke and aids have in common? My girlfriend will get it sooner or later.
Continue ReadingTwo Eskimos have gone mis …
Two Eskimos have gone missing and the police have spent 3 days looking for any clues, but drawn a blank. I look for 5 minutes and find what they’re looking for. Piece of kayak.
Continue ReadingMy dad has so many magazi …
My dad has so many magazines in the bathroom I wouldn’t mind but he doesn’t even have a gun to put them in.
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