I’ve just bought a John C …
I’ve just bought a John Cleese DVD box set off eBay. I need to return it though because two of the discs are Fawlty.
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My girlfriend really did …
My girlfriend really did a number on me last night. She shat on my chest.
Continue ReadingMy mate has an extreme ha …
My mate has an extreme hatred for certain security software developers… I’m sick of his Anti-Symantec views.
Continue ReadingJust for a laugh,I change …
Just for a laugh,I changed the font at our local church but the Vicar wasnt happy. It took him half a day to get it back to times new roman.
Continue ReadingI’ve got a friend that ju …
I’ve got a friend that just never shuts up. His shop is open 24/7.
Continue ReadingThey say money can’t buy …
They say money can’t buy happiness, but money buys beer, and beer makes me happy.
Continue ReadingI have planted a Bay tree …
I have planted a Bay tree in my back garden. I can’t wait till it grows it’s first window.
Continue ReadingI was chatting to a girl …
I was chatting to a girl in the pub last night. Chancing my arm, I said, “I’ve got millions in the bank, sleep with me and I’ll share some of it with you.” Amazingly she agreed. After making love to her back at my place, she was stood at the side of the bed looking […]
Continue ReadingI’ve bought my wife a bul …
I’ve bought my wife a bullet proof vest. It’s made from plastic. It proves bullets work.
Continue ReadingDon’t teach your Grandma …
Don’t teach your Grandma to suck eggs, you don’t get the same pleasure.
Continue ReadingIf an Octopus loses a ten …
If an Octopus loses a tentacle does it become a heptopus?
Continue ReadingI met a lady at the bus s …
I met a lady at the bus stop, “So then, getting the bus?” I asked. “Well, what does it look like?” she said angrily. I replied, “Emm, it’s a big blue and white thing with loads of people on it!”
Continue ReadingA recent study shows that …
A recent study shows that 3 out of 10 teens chat with strangers online. The other 7 teens actually have friends.
Continue ReadingThose who do not learn fr …
Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it… You can say that again…
Continue ReadingMy band got booed off at …
My band got booed off at the singles club party last night when we dared to play ‘Lonely This Christmas’. I’m telling you, our name was Mud.
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