Every Xmas the family lik …
Every Xmas the family likes to play charades. Our Nan tries to be as accurate as possible meaning her basic instinct is not such a highlight.
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My brother likes to sing …
My brother likes to sing ‘When You Wish Upon A Star’. He takes the idea of a career path at McDonald’s far too seriously.
Continue ReadingLandmines.. Where do you …
Landmines.. Where do you stand on them?
Continue ReadingMy cat gave birth in the …
My cat gave birth in the middle of our street today. The council fined me for littering.
Continue ReadingNew Spice Girls line up a …
New Spice Girls line up announced… Parsley, Chives, Cinnamon, Mustard and Mixed Spice were revealed earlier today.
Continue ReadingThe wife and I cannot dec …
The wife and I cannot decide between Thailand or Sock Shop
Continue ReadingCame home from work to fi …
Came home from work to find the wife disappearing upstairs dressed only in black stockings and a bra. I thought this could be the night, and sure enough, ten minutes later she appeared dressed in a womens police officers uniform complete with truncheon and handcuffs. My excitement reached fever pitch and just when I thought […]
Continue ReadingJust watched a feature le …
Just watched a feature length program about a Duck with two mouths. It was a double bill.
Continue ReadingI studied exothermic reac …
I studied exothermic reactions before they were cool.
Continue ReadingMy six-year-old got savag …
My six-year-old got savaged by two greyhounds last night. You can’t really blame the dogs – he has a hare lip.
Continue ReadingDrink wet cement – get st …
Drink wet cement – get stoned.
Continue ReadingIf Walkers were to make a …
If Walkers were to make a TV Programme 2 Pints of Lager and a Packet of crisp
Continue ReadingI applied for a loan, but …
I applied for a loan, but the bank had zero percent interest.
Continue ReadingAfter the accident, my wi …
After the accident, my wife was left a vegetable. “Who left this vegetable here?” She asked.
Continue ReadingThe person who coined the …
The person who coined the well known phrase ‘as different as chalk and cheese’ obviously hadn’t tasted Somerfield’s own brand cheddar.
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